14:44 - 24 January 2012
Reflections - 2011
1) Spreading the Gospel to my Roomie

Well sadly I ended up only leaving a letter on his table when I left, never had the courage to actually talk to him about the Gospel. I really should have, considering how he seemed curious when I read the Bible. I guess that I was afraid that putting 'religion' into our interaction might make it awkward and uncertain, since I have to see him everyday. Oh well. At least when I decided to write to him on my last night in hall, I knew that the Spirit was at work, coz otherwise I could not possibly have written a long CHINESE letter covering the Gospel and my testimony without struggling for words at all! Staying in a double room for half a year with a non-believer also let me realise how as Christians, our 生命影响生命 - every part of my life was a pointer towards (or away from Christ) once I identified myself as a Christian. It is our life that makes the Gospel more (or less) believable.

2) Spiritual Growth @ Foreign Church

I felt that churchgoing on exchange helped me to grow spiritually more than at home, and thought that there might be two reasons for that. First, in a foreign church I knew nobody and so it was all about the Cross. No need to interact. Refeeling that feeling many years ago, when as a non-believer seeking faith, I walked into a church for the first time. Secondly, I guess being away also gave me a break from the sometimes hectic schedule I have in church at home due to various ministry etc. There's more time to ponder and think about the sermon, non-believers' whose lives I must touch before I leave etc. On a very separate note, going to different churches in Hong Kong also allowed me to compare and contrast the difference in worship between different denominations, how their theologies are similar and how they are different, and where my home church stands.

3) Non-law Career

Reading the South China Morning Post in Hong Kong exposed me to alot of real social issues that, either due to my ignorance or to the Straits Times' partial coverage, I don't really get to read about in depth in Singapore. For example, run-down housing in parts of the city, social tension brought about by immigrants and pollution. Being part of a university where law school and other faculties aren't separate also let me realise that there are alot of challenges in life as a student that I, just like so many other law students, have not had to contend with (i.e broken families). Knowing about these social issues has prompted me to consider whether a non-law career, such as that with an NGO or development bank or UN agency, might be the way to go in the future. Probably not as my first job; but the feeling is that being a M&A/ECM corporate lawyer is just so detached from the issues that a majority of citizens have to deal with. It has also prompted me to reconsider whether I should drop my Masters in Public Policy (lawsch deems it a worthless degree to have).

4) 那些年

Oh, what a movie haha. It probably wont get any artistic critique mildly excited, but boy doens't it portray it's theme of first (serious) love well. I think people don't need to think too hard to know who their 沈佳仪or 柯景腾 is. These people will have played a special role in our lives, and no matter whether things work out in the end, I choose to give thanks to them for helping us grow as a person and seriously learning 男女之道. The movie also reminded me that what matters about relationships (inc. friendships) is quality and not quantity. And I couldn't agree more with this line: 而我的世界,也只不过是你的心 <3

5) Starting to like babies

Haha I used to think babies were irritating little things, but when I was flying to Tokyo there was a baby seated either side of me in front, and I actually thought that kids and parenting are such wonderful things. I would wna 1) raise them as children of God 2) be their role models 3) guide them to avoid mistakes I had made. Children :D oh, gotta date and marry first HAHA

23:32 - 16 January 2012
waiting on God
have been stressed about job apps the past few days with the law3 chatter being all about big4 and applying now. then i heard these lines

我等候主我相信，祢愛我永不放棄。
世界也不能奪去，神美好的旨意。
我等候主我相信，祢旨意高過我的。
看見美好應許成就，我全心全意敬拜祢

from a chinese hymn:)

waiting on God for career direction. and spouse too.

21:02 - 16 January 2012
intellectual family discussion
lol just had a convo with dad about mergers & acquisitions (for non-law readers, it's a mod im taking now). always wished i had teacher parents or ,during law school, lawyer parents. turns out that having a high-flying banker dad isn't too bad too :) especially now that ive decided on corporate and am taking corp modules :)

15:56 - 12 January 2012
trg contracts
Lord, please guide me in this season of job selection and application, and tell me whether and when you want me to take a year off for your cause

20:47 - 24 November 2011
-
i wanna jam!

22:24 - 26 September 2011
the missing piece
omg im so happy i need to blog ahaha..FOUND AND USED THE PIANO ROOM IN MY BLOCK! so happy la the whole day. and i went for guit lessons at night, hopefully this one (the one at believer music was lousy) will make me band-calibre. now i realise how much of a music person i am. no need much socialising, just musicmaking (:

22:44 - 16 July 2011
healthy
10km run and a root beer float, and i feel good :)

23:45 - 14 July 2011
:)
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round

21:00 - 14 July 2011
-
there are so many books i want to read from now till jan

19:06 - 10 July 2011
busy week!
hahah wow i am overbooked this week! in case i forget,

monday - dinner with wendy and kit b4 my guit lesson
tue - dinner and drinks with chinese high bros and priscilla's birthday celebration if it's nearby and not too late
wed - pre Bible Study and if they eat not-too-slow food, goodbye dinner with fellow interns
thurs - drew tea reception, and maybe an LCS drinks session?
fri - hopefully i can play soccer at Cage but looks like there'll be CC2 prac.

work sucks btw :( and persistence will win the day. it rhymes hoho.

13:46 - 08 July 2011
work
2 weeks more until i finish internshipping hahah and then i'll blog again. be patient everybody!

23:51 - 12 June 2011
june
hahah mm, i've found my nighttime favourite spot in town - the tanjong rhu area, the place with the bridge. love the moon, the promenade, the bridge, the reflection on the water and the lighthouse! :)

oh and i think hor, i lost some of my brains through the dengue and high fever in jc1. it's like, no longer brilliant after that and when i see whr my secsch peers are now i feel quite disappointed with myself. abit, sometimes. but what i've experienced through Christ makes all the above quite unimportant.

perhaps perhaps. perhaps? (again,i apologise for the cryptic last line)

10:34 - 07 June 2011
musik
i wna learn all the yiruma songs well and play it on a grand piano in some lounge HAHA.

23:59 - 06 June 2011
mongolia?
seven hundred bucks for beijing-ulan bator return trip. should i? or should i save up to eventually contribute abit to the purchase of a 2nd hand car when i come back? (:

07:36 - 01 June 2011
-
really thankful that I don't have lousy grades to add to the list of stuff that i have to deal with. not exhilarating like last sem but they were ok. over to more impt stuff!

23:05 - 27 May 2011
from the book I'm reading
"and then there was always the remote possibility that she had managed to touch a part of me that I kept hidden from everyone, even myself. It was a part of me that wanted to stop thinking, to stop searching, to stop worrying about what everyone thought of me and just let go and be comfortable and free and in the moment, the way I felt surfing that big wave in Malibu. And every now and then, when Lisa and I both dropped our defences, I felt like that with her. I felt alone, together."

22:21 - 25 May 2011
-
bloody emotional rollercoaster.

23:56 - 24 May 2011
career paths
wanted to have an early night after days of partaeing but i thot had to jot down some impt thoughts lest they dissipate after a night's rest!

the senior counsel of my department took us out for lunch today at some atas chinese restaurant. quite scary actually, ended up sitting in between the recruitment partner of rajah and tann and the senior partner-senior counsel.

mr. senior counsel posed this question, 10 years down the road, would you be satisfied with an HDB flat and a normal car? well if you are nobody's gonna judge you. but you might want more. especially if you get married and have kids..

i don't know whether i'd be satisfied with the basic. the answer's probably yes, considering my idealist self. the question is whether it will change? how will my future spouse influence that answer? if i want a condo and merc by 35, are the >12 hr work days worth it..

whether legal service or big four (hopefully) private practice depends on my answer to the question. i have a year to think.

01:06 - 22 May 2011
古巨基 - 好想好想
timeless classic :)

好想好想和你在一起
和你一起数天上的星星
收集春天的细雨
好想好想和你在一起
听你诉说古老的故事
细数你眼中的情意

好想好想和你在一起
并肩看天边的落日
并肩听林间的鸟语

好想 好想 好想 好想
好想好想和你在一起
踏遍万水千山
走遍海角天涯
让每一个日子
都串连成我们最美丽
最美丽的回忆！

17:31 - 26 April 2011
-
i think i started studying one day too early this time round. totally burnt out now and my last paper's only in like 22 hours. not falling asleep, just stoning at my notes. oh man. hai

14:03 - 26 April 2011
-
it's screwing my brain again. nooo :( go away i need to study equity

09:23 - 19 April 2011
stardee
hello hello haven't been here often recently but i'll be alive again after the 27th. reached that point where i just want to throw all my books aside for one day and go play. urgh saturation.

01:18 - 05 April 2011
-
i shall blog tmrw.

00:27 - 31 March 2011
quote
a friend just sent me this:

You ask me why I don’t talk to you anymore. Please believe me when I say it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that everything I want to say are better left unspoken.

hmm

23:57 - 27 March 2011
SHTL
so hard to love so hard to love so hard to love anything

16:23 - 24 March 2011
-
sometimes i wonder whether the Bible's teaching to love our enemies, is satisfied by superficial behaviour. is it enough to just be helpful and friendly and nice but not like the person at all? or are we called to wholesome transformation including what we think inside.

pakwai

23:44 - 23 March 2011
radio therapy
i lovee class 95's love songs segment from 8 to 12 pm every weeknight.

20:52 - 22 March 2011
-
whenever friday evenings come around i look forward to monday morning. weekends suck.

20:42 - 21 March 2011
-
im flattered. hahah (:

23:34 - 17 March 2011
update
i've got a new fav song, spice girls' if you wanna be my lover :) hahah. it's damn good to just loop on the way home after a stressful day. reminds me of more carefree days during JC and sec school, when you not study until a few weeks before Os/As. now if i do that, i'll just fail tsk.

law is such a satisfying thing to study, learning about how doctrines refine themselves over time so as to tailor themselves ever better to resolving disputes. but it's also demanding - no airy fairy theories instead everything responds to moral instincts and real cases, and requires constant immersion and struggling with. we study alot not because we're stressed or want our As, but because we need to equip ourselves for a noble profession. sometimes ppl outside lawsch just don't un why we're so mug.

i think i've moved on to a new stage. the thing doens't matter less, but i won't obssess (how to spell??) or brood over it. commit it to God and trust in his plans. really.

week 9's been good (:

20:13 - 15 March 2011
beer
law school has this extreme urge for booze booze and more booze. guess it's a mutually beneficial relationship, lawyers create demand for alcohol and the other helps to relieve the stress of the profession. ah well.

17:43 - 14 March 2011
law schhol
sometimes i wonder how Yong Pung How managed to get a first - his judgements in crim and public law are...

anw, law sch competitiveness is crazy. everybody's in the library all the time save for going home to sleep and lesson time. story of our lives

23:43 - 12 March 2011
egos
if you're gna tell ppl, then tell them the whole story. but that's gna hurt ur ego. so don't tell at all lor. i've never broadcasted ur stuff until i found out this trust wasn't reciprocated. there are more mature ways of healing your bruised ego.

11:14 - 08 March 2011
prc
i really don't understand how chinamen work they just plomp themselves down the same study table as you w/o asking or anything. weird ppl

20:55 - 07 March 2011
-
im feeling all drowsy and tired..think it's the lingering effect of the fever. but there's so much work boo

20:04 - 04 March 2011
ya1 li4
SO stressed ! ahh. need a break before mugging season kicks in next next week :(

09:58 - 03 March 2011
love in the Bible
Song of Solomon 8

1 If only you were to me like a brother,
who was nursed at my mother’s breasts!
Then, if I found you outside,
I would kiss you,
and no one would despise me.
2 I would lead you
and bring you to my mother’s house—
she who has taught me.
I would give you spiced wine to drink,
the nectar of my pomegranates.
3 His left arm is under my head
and his right arm embraces me.
4 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Friends

5 Who is this coming up from the wilderness
leaning on her beloved?

She

Under the apple tree I roused you;
there your mother conceived you,
there she who was in labor gave you birth.
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy[a] unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.[b]
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one’s house for love,
it[c] would be utterly scorned.

16:19 - 27 February 2011
a prayer
渴望能遇見你，渴望能親近你，寧靜裡我心渴求能遇見主。
放下疑慮並重擔，放下纏累的思緒，求能在這刻清心仰望你。

23:52 - 24 February 2011
essay
so often, what matters is not what you do but who you do it with :) public law assignment i shall take you down !

00:00 - 22 February 2011
peter pan syndrome
yesterday some auntie at church was shocked to hear im an uni yr 2 and said wow, i thought you were a sec 4 !
WALAO am i so boyboy zzz -_-

14:34 - 20 February 2011
tensionss
feeling good after a nap ! napping on sunday afternoons is goood. i think some close friendships need some time in the freezer otherwise they'll be gone forever. gonna finish my LoA assignment by today. till then !

00:40 - 20 February 2011
saturdays at CJ Koh Library
went for half of the law students' conference today and went to study after that. strangely enough my life feels more balanced the few times i've ponned fellowship to do other stuff on saturday. if i pon to study, then i won't be all tensed up to cram in one or two hours before i sleep and i can actually chat with my parents. dunno la. and sometimes i feel like im going fellowship out of obligation coz im in the Comm, or to see certain people..

祷告,因为我渺小

02:11 - 19 February 2011
midsem break
pretentious English is worse English than lousy grammar.

internship apps, assignments, exchange preps.

20:14 - 14 February 2011
<3
only by His grace :)

22:39 - 08 February 2011
sweet spot
i think i've found my favourite spot in town - you know, like Tom's spot overlooking the carpark in 500 days of summer. a place to go for essay-inspiration, to get close to nature, for some solitude. it's the esplanade library.

the tables at the music section are just lovely to study ahha, with the view of the CBD through full length glass windows, soft live piano music and gentle spotlights. and the viewing deck on top is pretty too, dark and with a full view of the skyscrapers across the river. loves <3

01:55 - 06 February 2011
wait
wait for me.

00:47 - 05 February 2011
travel
already planning my travelling b4/after exchange HAHA

Summer before: Tokyo - Seoul - Liaoning - Jilin - Mongolia - Inner Mongolia - Tianjin - Beijing - Shandong - Jiangsu ;

Winter after: Zhejiang - Fujian - Taiwan - Guangdong - Vietnam !

lol but it's time to study first

17:48 - 04 February 2011
up up and away
fly me to hongkong now, away from this mess called interpersonal relationships.

19:03 - 01 February 2011
resolution
i resolve not to go drinking again when there's a tutorial the following day.

11:41 - 01 February 2011
enlightened
hangover. but last night finally helped me to connect all the dots. if only things happened at the same time !

17:39 - 28 January 2011
bad friend
i think im a horrible friend la, always plan dinner and stuff then pangseh last minute. or like some friend comes back fr overseas and FB-msgs me to meet up and i forget about it. sorry!

perhaps for me friendship is an all-or-nothing sorta thing. i'll decide whether i find you interesting, demand your full and ready attention and if i don't feel the same enthusiasm on your part i'll just stop being your friend.

that's me. take it or leave it :)

22:53 - 27 January 2011
-
now the fun starts.

08:39 - 26 January 2011
eats
my diet yesterday and today damn unhealthy la: loads of tehping thru the day, hotchoc and guinness stout on an empty stomach, then this morning instead noodles. omg im gna die young

19:50 - 25 January 2011
love and lies
im pretty shocked at how easily some strong Christians in my midst can blatantly lie to the school (and feel good about it?) just to be with their partner for exchange. does love really make one that blind? i thought it's love God first before everything else. or so we profess.

17:15 - 25 January 2011
careful
once bitten, twice shy

20:46 - 24 January 2011
loves
Regine Velasquez In Love with you (with Jacky Cheung) Lyrics:
[Jacky]
Just a gentle whisper, tell
me that you'd gone
Leaving only memories,
where did we go wrong?
I couldn't find the words then,
so let me say them now
I'm still in love with you

[Regine]
Tell me that you love me,
tell me that you care
Tell me that you need me,
and I'll be there
I'll be there waiting...

[Regine/Jacky]
I will always love you, I
will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do
Come to me now
I will never leave you, I will
stay here with you
Through the good and bad I will stand true
I'm in love with you

[Jacky]
Now we're here together,
yesterday has past
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/GCiq ]
Life is just beginning,
close to you at last
And I promise to you, I
will always be there
I give my all to you

[Regine]
Living life without you is
more that I can bear
Hold me close forever,
I'll be there...

[Jacky]
I'll be there for you

[Regine/Jacky]
I will always love you, I
will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do
This I promise...
I will never leave you, I will
stand here with you
Though the good and bad I will stand true
Hold me closer...
Our love is forever, holding us together
Nothing in this world can stop us now

[Jacky]
Love has found

[Regine]
Love has found a way ...

[Regine/Jacky]
I'm in love, I'm in love
Yes I'm in love, so in love
I'm so in love with you....
Lyrics: In Love with you (with Jacky Cheung), Regine
Velasquez [end]

23:22 - 23 January 2011
ah!
hong kong aug 2011 to jan 2012 ! thank you Lord (: time away is just what i need now. woot. don't miss me :D

19:08 - 23 January 2011
friends
does friendship have a life span?

23:58 - 20 January 2011
bus therapy
taking the btc bus ride down to kent ridge at night with earphones on, having soya bean and dough fritters and then taking 30 from kent ridge all the way back home (sitting on the top deck, front seat) is surprisingly cathartic.

20:06 - 18 January 2011
nah
closing the deal 101

17:49 - 14 January 2011
blown
ah this is real bad. mind wanders off _ after every 15 mins of public law! help :(

16:57 - 14 January 2011
how now, brown cow?
woah i actually teared watching the final episode of 谈情说案 !

10:30 - 08 January 2011
:)
:)

15:56 - 03 January 2011
18 points
passed driving ! good results ! ahh but the most coveted is still out of reach. in God's time, in God's time :)

21:51 - 02 January 2011
test
2nd shot at driving test tmr morning ! wish me all the best ! gd nite

06:52 - 01 January 2011
a new beginning
nothing's changed. driving is really cathartic, i can't wait till i can get my own car and horn slowpokes on the road.

13:45 - 30 December 2010
His
His love to show, His life to live, His message speak, His mercy give.

19:20 - 20 December 2010
time
hey, let's reset the clock back to this time last year

21:07 - 15 December 2010
chen su lan
gold - heaven; black - sin; red - Jesus' blood; white - justification and purification; green - spiritual growth

i really enjoyed the visit to the Children's Home, telling the Gospel to the kids (mine accepted !) and getting a refresher on what Christmas is really all about.

perhaps it was a fruitful experience due to the novelty of the group - i don't attend vcf regularly. when you get too used to (your church's) ministry and people, sometimes they replace God as the focus of our attention. on the other hand if there ain't so many feelings and sentiments
attached we can truly focus on Him :)

22:35 - 12 December 2010
hols for real
hello ! i have a nicely packed week ahead !!

mon - driving lesson
tue - prayer meeting in sch for the chensulan methodist children's home visit
wed - the visit itself + lawr class gathering !
thurs - cycling with church peeps !
fri - ucf appreciation tea + cc2 prac
saturday - jordan's wedding + kevinho's housewarming perhaps?
sunday - chorale concert
some evenings in between - squash. supper?
all days - exercise regime !! 8.5 km run, swim, cycling, gymming shall rotate (: and i shall be hot :p

my cousin's in town and staying over for the week. i thot i'd be real eggcited but perhaps we've grown up and living under the same roof isn't that cool after all.

23:13 - 10 December 2010
bookout
harlo..im back! temporarily at least hahah. wasn't that bad after all la i think i respond to regimentation better than most. and the cutting off from the outside world..i kind of like it actually. hahah. but like next december must go back for 2 weeks. yea but must go back for half a day tomorrow, which means i won't make it for the wedding tmr. could have applied for off larh but decided against it. been looking forward to the date for half a year but i guess not going is the better choice atm.

00:53 - 06 December 2010
week ahead
ok LA im off to sleep and don green for the country for five and half days. will be qt sian, if you're reading this i'll feel so absolutely touched if you'll drop me an SMS sometime in the week. yup and everyone jiayou in whatever you're doing too !

16:13 - 01 December 2010
C
C for crim ?! what shit is this man. haha.

16:09 - 30 November 2010
minds and matters
i think the greatest thing to learn in this journey of growing up is to find yourself, be yourself, and be happy with who you are. coz it's impossible to achieve everything and to please everybody, and there's no point in doing so! ok i don't know if im making sense. but really i think, those who mind (the way you act and speak) don't matter. when it's wrt someone related by blood there's a problem but im afraid it still holds true to a certain degree. just ran to town and back. and it's time for a nap, then exchange apps when i wake up. ciao

21:26 - 23 November 2010
midst
damn sian..

21:27 - 21 November 2010
here we go again
ok! exam season starting tmr. aiya but i feel so zen about the distinctions-chase this time round. seems relatively very unimpt. but i need ur prayers all the same :)

18:11 - 18 November 2010
fever
no fever, not now. it's the wkend b4 exam starts again. just that this time on top of lastminute cramming i've got a temperature, driving lessons+test, cc2piano, housework, errands for other people...the yoke isn't that light after all. but I trust that He'll give me strength to tide through these 10 days. mm

21:40 - 15 November 2010
choice
if you were given a choice to not sit for the exams and automatically get Bs for all the modules, would you take it?

20:01 - 09 November 2010
tuesday, week 13
hey, you know what, nothing else really matters

18:30 - 05 November 2010
mm
law sch isn't just about brains and glamour man. it's about working harder than anybody else. and although i don't tell it personally i will say what i believe here: that the pressures of law sch are unique and greater than in other places. and nobody needs to try to understand.

17:19 - 05 November 2010
stressed
parents just left for the states. mug mug mug mug mug. think it's time make a trip down to the petrol kiosk and stock up on coke and carlsberg. unhealthy lifestyle but ah what to do.

22:10 - 02 November 2010
blessed
i feel blessed to have a brightly lit, quiet and air-conditioned classroom to myself to study in at night. with yiruma's river flows in you playing :) privileged students we are man.

13:19 - 01 November 2010
3 day week! (which i may change to 1)
noisy construction going on next to my condo but trip to school take an hour! and back. should i go school or not.

if there ever was some coke-drinking competition, i'll win it hands down :)

22:49 - 31 October 2010
trust
being the go-to person/port-of-call whenever a friend (me) needs to rant/confide is the greatest sign of trust you can receive. thank you for always being there (:

21:21 - 31 October 2010
updates
hello! havent been updating regularly. erm i just came out from 2 hours of circuit-driving and am absolutely tired. what's happened recently?

school - have gotten grades from A+ to D.
church - done my 2nd worship leading, which went rather well. thank God man.
family - i'll be home alone from 5th to 17th! COME LOOK FOR ME FOR DINNER. i'll be uber lonely during weekdays. i think. unless a nice surprise happens haha.

and er, best friends one week, strangers the next (keeps on rotating), why liddat :( and chye says, i focus too much on my studies/grades. mee? hardly! much less so than most ppl. it's just a facade.

00:12 - 30 October 2010
house of mug
my mp3 player just died on me, permenantly. bah. looking forward to another saturday in sch. coke ftw (:

00:11 - 29 October 2010
God
things have been going rather smoothly recently (people, schoolwork, church) and it's coincided with a period of uber strong spiritual life. nonetheless im really drained and my soul has been demanding 20 minutes of quiet reflection everyday, to recharge, refocus, realign with Father. just last night i prayed for 20 minutes in front of the beautifully empty upper quad. to give thanks, to commit, to ask for guidance. and im so glad He's answered one huge prayer of mine.

00:18 - 28 October 2010
play with my heart, play with my mind
sometimes pressing alt+tab is the hardest thing to do.

23:28 - 25 October 2010
HTW
heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me :)

01:00 - 23 October 2010
what can i gather
:)

21:28 - 19 October 2010
msn
why use msn? hahah. not gna sign in (or even appear off) for a while. dunnid it! (:

22:39 - 17 October 2010
...
fellowship committee? exchange? hk/china/uk? legal service? cc2songs? practice time? clear backlog? keep up with upcoming readings? trial advo?

omg im so stressed i need booze

23:52 - 10 October 2010
life stories
stories of our lives - parallel, tangential or intertwined?

17:42 - 10 October 2010
bright and beautiful
im taking ages to get down to work haha. it's the classic sunday afternoon blues (my version of monday blues). but some sundays are prettier than the rest, and today's one of them:) it's week 9 - the business end is starting.

12:03 - 09 October 2010
inertia
i take ages to set myself down to study and once i start i can't stop.

23:25 - 08 October 2010
october
i think i've inherited my dad's trait whereby the workplace(school) and colleagues(classmates) are supposed to be for work and work only. meals should be there, if i stay in school it's only to work and any play is left to outside of it. it's not an absolute rule of course, just that im more of it than other ppl.

well the above, combined with the fact that im outspoken, creates the impression that im a very lousy friend. well i do admit i dun carve out time for too many people, and my tongue does piss ppl off sometimes. but oh well. those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. think it's a great maxim to live by - especially for a person like me who's too easily affected by people's perceptions. way to go man pakwai.

i have this thing for covered shoes haha. just feels like it makes the person so much more presentable, and attractive.

and erm just saw this quote on FB "i choose to live my life to the fullest coz it's a beautiful gift from God". how empty words are! holy sayings have this innate tendency to make a person seem righteous/perceptive. but to me it really means nothing much - your actions speak the loudest, for better or for worse. 1) fullest? depends on how you look at it huh. 2) whatever fullest means, words are powerful instruments of deception, and that quote is no exception. well yes i am judging but at least i don't profess such sweeping statements of holiness.

ego? cynical? emo? (they are neutral terms you know)

well i'm all that and more. but i know God has a unique plan for me, and will prompt me where he wants me to change

22:56 - 04 October 2010
(:
it needs to be less of my ego, less of my pride.

00:52 - 03 October 2010
saturdays at CJ Koh Library
pulled by a string, this heartstring - time will tell

23:35 - 30 September 2010
scatter brain
should i help out the research with 377A. should i should i.
home alone from 4/11 to 18/11.
there's a million questions i want to ask, and a million answers i need to give.

00:21 - 29 September 2010
christianity
at times i think that chasing after hottest fashion, latest gadgets and social opportunities is inconsistent with being a disciple of Jesus. He never saw those as important.

22:52 - 26 September 2010
lost
wandering, seeking, trying

18:30 - 26 September 2010
of dramas and duets
my life is in a mess as usual. haha. but no worries i take solace in tvb dramas and canto duets such as 刻不容缓 :D love e songgg

22:22 - 24 September 2010
insult
messrs walter woon, that was an insult to my intelligence. sometimes nus law just makes you feel unnecessarily stupid along the way with a bomb in the middle of the sem. you start doubting whether your GEPness, Olevels, SATscores and UCLacceptances were all a mistake. oh but hey! everything turns out alright at the end of sem. what's the point of doing this to us in the middle of it?

ok now i've ponned OG, TG and Float and UCF outings in the past week. what's new man hahah that's the recluse in me. i'm seldom minded to hang out with what i see as temporary workplace acquiantances, coz i don't see the point. You barely speak to them outside of those outings. i'd rather stay at home at socialise with piano/guitar/exercise. i guess outside of work i lead a very solo lifestyle. it's work, keeping myself sane to work, and love when it comes. but im nice la haha.

pakwai

19:30 - 20 September 2010
a september shade of grey
of capriciousness and unbridled tongues. the game of second-guessing, play it well. what's your next move?

22:28 - 19 September 2010
outingz
TG and UCF outings tmr and i feel like going for neither. bleargh. i should never be complaining about having no friends.

00:02 - 14 September 2010
driving
booked my practical test date at long last. hahaha morning have a paper, afternoon driving test. ah well what needs to be done, needs to be done. and then there are other things. wish me luck :)

00:48 - 13 September 2010
Lord,
please purify my heart, my thoughts, my passions.

21:32 - 11 September 2010
attitude
i need to have more of an attitude. to feel good after making a choice over whether to do something (if it sounds reasonable to go either way). to care less about what others think of me :)

10:58 - 11 September 2010
-
no, not now please.

18:24 - 05 September 2010
work work work
walter woon assignment's gna be the death of me hahahah. sianz. plus TWO prop law tutorials in a week. lucky fri's off man.

19:44 - 03 September 2010
polytheism!
wahrauz why church fellowship also have homework one ah.. ok finished the homework. now and then i just crave for a weekend where i dun need to serve in church. when i can just spend 2 hours on sat, 3 hours on sun and then straight back to my bed to recuperate or my desk to catch up on readings. not keeping up with school work properly lo.. push on! the connection is growing stronger by the day.

16:44 - 02 September 2010
pakwai
wants to watch Villon's Wife, Going the Distance and the Vienna Boys' Choir :)

16:24 - 02 September 2010
passion is a battleground
"The stories get very familiar. In the woman's, always the ancient longing - "'And her desire shall be for a husband' - the inextinguishable hope for recognition, response, protection. In the man's story, always the restlessness to wander, experiment, conquer"

18:31 - 29 August 2010
hi!
hello! opening shop again after two weeks of turmoil in life :)

perhaps close friendships inevitably involve periods of regular long-and-deeply-personal (online) chats with periods of drifting apart. The intimate portion of the cycle can't seem to last past two, perhaps three months. or can it? i'm still searching for that zhi1 ji3.

hahah and i also realise i have no posts relating to law. no viewing of life through legal binoculars. no law jokes. no passionate discourse of legal doctrine. perhaps God doesn't intend for me to practise..

02:01 - 24 August 2010
exercise
hahah pumped my bike and went cycling just at ECP just now. feels good!

02:33 - 18 August 2010
-
gwah i want to go holiday :)

20:29 - 15 August 2010
tone
and sorry readers for the emo tone these couple of entries its the start of sem syndrome. you can talk to me more, so that i'll feel less sian lol :)

20:16 - 12 August 2010
send me
主告诉我如何献上我的生命，带希望入人群中
主告诉我如何付上我的关怀，将温暖带入世界

and only salt was left.

00:05 - 10 August 2010
last day of hols
a day of much hanging out little emotional satisfaction.

11:30 - 09 August 2010
triple thought
anyway you want it, that's the way you need it.
i'll carry it for you anytime, anywhere.
i hope my future spouse isn't as mad as my mum.

22:46 - 07 August 2010
break
i dun like the feeling when you are feelin sian but are out with a group of not very shou2 pple. cannot rant and neither can u emo. love the feelin of having the house to yourself.

00:38 - 07 August 2010
end of rag
whoosh! day stretched into night and night stretched into day doing float the past 3 days but it's over! reached sch at 6+ this morning and left at 11+. but to my own amazement, im having withdrawal symptoms now that it's all over. never thought that would happen huh.

i'll miss the beautiful float, toiling under the hot sun and most of all, the fantastic freshies. the last time i felt emo after something ended would have been pretty long ago, the hongkong trip la probably. which means float has been important to me.

made new friends along the way, got a nice tan and learned some DIY skills no less. whoosh! :D

00:24 - 06 August 2010
change
i shalt not stalk. actually i havent been doing so for a while. keep it up!

20:57 - 01 August 2010
nap
just woke up from a fulfilling sunday evening nap! all woes gone! hahah. but it doesn't change the perception that perhaps im ego, emo, lack self-confidence, gossipy.. and whatever else. DONT say these kinda things to me even if you mean it as a joke coz i'll emo over it. until the nap is over lol :) well, at least there exist people who are truly dears, they who can brighten your day, anyday.

23:02 - 31 July 2010
august is coming soon!
i quite like the way it is now :) haha and was scrolling through the blog, realised that the last emo entry was wayway back! yay seems like im starting to grow out of it: no one can make you happy if you choose not to be.

11:34 - 29 July 2010
one more case
abit more to go!

23:00 - 28 July 2010
rustic countryside life
i could sleep twelve hours a day, everyday, if life was less hectic. like, in a small farm village, wooden barns, the smell of manure, crackling fireplaces in the winter, 18 hour days in summer, crystal clear streams, with rolling plains and trails of chimney smoke for me to explore in my pickup with perhaps one son and one daughter...already planning for retirement when i've yet to enter the workforce HAHAH. time to wake up

14:12 - 28 July 2010
chiong ar
ok im really struggling to finish my research stuff. and my attention-span's not helping me, mind keeps on wandering. help :(

00:37 - 28 July 2010
主祢是我力量
我的詩歌 我的拯救
祢是我患難中隨時的幫助
眾山怎樣圍繞 耶路撒冷 祢必圍繞我到永遠

主祢是我力量 主祢是我高臺 堅固磐石我信靠祢必不動搖
主祢是我力量 主祢是避難所 我的盼望只在乎祢

loves :)

22:45 - 27 July 2010
detour
wah rauz went down to kent ridge to meet lonlonandgang to explore nice supper places but they ended up playing LAN instead and not eating supper. grrr.

22:00 - 25 July 2010
hmm
it's all getting abit messy. time to jian3 tao3 abit. recluse myself abit. and pray lots. on a different note, someone please take over as choir 2i/c. it's beyond me. haha but today was quite tiring-ly fun man. hit the woodwork 3 times during street soccer wa lao. on the whole was a smashing weekend ):

23:00 - 21 July 2010
wilful blindness
i have this problem with SMSes. whenever there's a chance that the message might say sth i dun wanna hear, i delay opening it for 24 hours
-_-. it's almost like, ignorance is bliss. even if there's an equally gd chance of it saying sth i do wna hear. such as the research deadline my prof SMSed me yesterday and which i still havent opened hahah. and another one last week, still regretting it. ok im gna open it now. WHATS WRONG WITH ME.

03:36 - 21 July 2010
21072010 0338 hrs
the dark, quiet and coolness of 330am makes you think of what's important in life. a list of close-to-the-heart friends included :)

01:37 - 21 July 2010
以感恩為祭
主，為祢的恩典，我要滿心感謝，
由泥內生機到變幻天氣，讓這世界各樣完備。
主，為祢的恩手，我要滿心感謝，
由扶助拯救到試煉阻攔，導我按祢正路前行。
我出生前祢已深知我，到了今天亦有幫助，
為我備救恩召我出黑暗，做祢聖潔國度人民。
主，為祢的恩言，我要滿心感謝，
由提示安慰到責備管教，內裡有祢愛念呈現。
主，為祢的恩情，我要滿心感謝，
也要常思想晝夜數算，藉愛見證祢大能。
祢的安排往往多新意，祢有豐賞亦會收取，
微細調配中讓我得益處，現我再看天恩處處。
神呀！祢恩典太美妙神奇，配得萬眾稱善，
我要以感恩為祭獻給祢，並永記念祢作為。

love the lyrics !

12:39 - 20 July 2010
fat
mugging now for my final theory tmr and feeling damn fat HAHA. havent exercised for 2 weeks almost save for the cycling session with churchies last mon. boo. but with research and float, havent found the time to. argh. i shall gym in a while. and lucky there's squash in the evening.

01:11 - 20 July 2010
heart-focus
i've been getting the same piece of counsel from everybody! really must follow ah. i never thought that it had to be observed..

00:39 - 19 July 2010
-
hello friend. make your intentions clear.

20:31 - 18 July 2010
all-important Christianity
if the gospel is false, we have believed in vain. if it's true, it is overridingly important. well then if we only treat it as being of secondary, not-so-important importance, then we're pretty much missing the point, and all our evangelism, missions and service can only be motivated by another force such as routine. and so it's time for me to really treat my QT and prayers seriously and not find excuses to leave it till the sun rises :)

and then if the gospel is all important, it's not only intellectual doctrine - it's something that calls for action. and so if we sit there in a sermon that calls for us to love our neighbour as ourselves(conscientiouslly jotting down notes) and yet harbour feelings of hatred towards another person right after walking out of the sanctuary, then really something must be done. i've seen many instances, including myself.

Lord, I pray..

02:47 - 17 July 2010
keppel bay
salt pepper teacup phone teapot. make up your idea please! hmm.

will be in camp the whole of tomorrow. boo. reminds me of weekend duty hahah. oh well. i never used to complain bout army and i ain't gna start now.

19:37 - 15 July 2010
armeee
gna be in camp for the whole saturday! sian haha. no fellowship! :(

22:37 - 13 July 2010
argh
i can't do it!

09:07 - 12 July 2010
priorities
there's too many things in life to choose from, and each one calls for your time. and so we need to choose. the ones we decide to invest time in, we get more reward from and vice versa. it's just a choice of one's priorities. and nobody should judge, because everyone has the same need to neglect/sacrifice some aspect of their life. we choose consciously, and take responsibility for those choices.

00:05 - 12 July 2010
):
1) keep your relationship with God healthy, and everything falls in place.

2) don't beat yourself up for feeling angry, just don't let it remain past the day.

3) sacrifices need to be made if one chooses the narrow road that leads to life.

4) serve God and nobody else. (this one's easier said than done!)

thank you for teaching me all this :)

22:12 - 10 July 2010
moments
some things need to be moved, either forward or back. coz it's never gna be the same again. how?

23:53 - 09 July 2010
When You Say Nothing At All
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

song of the moment ! HAHA.

01:51 - 07 July 2010
5 love languages
im quality time heheh. show me some love. ):

00:26 - 05 July 2010
-
i keep typing stuff and then deleting everything. what's wrong with me. just about everything lah: sian of float. of driving lessons. seeseetoo.

is missions the way to go?

23:04 - 03 July 2010
sickk
im lazy to type. so im gna talk like an ah beng. sg transport sucks. had a bad headache for the whole day. but i am very happy.

today's talk on prayer by ps wong was good. well i sorta alr know the attitude with which we should pray - it's clear enough when he answers ur prayers on one thing three times in succession.

):

09:33 - 03 July 2010
happy
smiles :):)

23:20 - 30 June 2010
reconciled
the ministry of reconciliation - with God, with others and no less importantly, with ourself. that's what our Father gives us :)

23:52 - 27 June 2010
hectic
hello. been a busy few days!

thurs: went sing k and then harry's. two pints and im less than sober haha.

fri: lost my phone in the morning, did so float while emo-ing. managed to meet churchpeeps for dinner without contacting them HAHA. watched soccer outside kopitiam. received letter telling me there's reservice in december :( and that im in top half (2:1) of lawsch. :) felt really relieved. and anw, deans listing was outta my reach after sem 1 results.

sat: got stood up by stupid driving instructor. went to church again for a day of missions sermons. han's for dinner break, had eggs and sausages <3. God spoke to me during the night sermon la, to maybe go a medium-term missions trip sometime soon.

today: uber long day. church, lunch with parents, hung out with churchpeeps and then met OGmates for dinner.

am pretty pleased! ):

11:55 - 21 June 2010
誰曾應許
誰曾應許，一生不撇下我？每段窄路，誰陪我去走過？
誰還領我，於青草恬靜處躺臥，豐足恩惠比海沙更多？

誰曾應許，天天看顧著我，晝夜眷佑，連頭髮也數過？
誰還以愛驅走心裡懼怕怯懦，那懼路途捲動著漩渦？

因你是我主我避難所，我盾牌和詩歌，
你是我的高臺我隨時幫助，
來吧，用信心讚頌和高歌，你永在我心窩，
唯你有永生江河，除你以外不倚靠別個，
我究竟算甚麼，神你竟這般顧念我。

20:30 - 18 June 2010
dear papa
hi dad, let me remind you that i am not a puppet for you to rant and scream at whenever the stocks drop.

22:13 - 17 June 2010
shack
damn tired from float. this week's taking an age to pass. saturday where are you!!

23:05 - 15 June 2010
world cup
im is supporting new zealand this june.

21:56 - 13 June 2010
我的耶稣, 爱我的主
rag: im not sure i signed up for this, constant discussion over MSN whenever im online. mm. it's always a problem when ur doing something because a good friend asks u to, and not because u truly want to do it.

truth or dare is a dangerous game which i shall never suggest playing again. boo :( again i find myself staring at the night sky with those smiling stars because i know that you'll be looking at e same.

00:22 - 10 June 2010
10 - 12 june
in msia till sat evening. dun miss me too much hahah. till then (:

23:15 - 08 June 2010
:)
i have a soft spot for tvb drama serials with convuluted love stories. HAHA. i think i am fail as a lawyer - my only goal in life is to marry a pretty wife and spread e gospel in poor places. ok la first must earn enuff money from working in some govt dept (hk?) and to do that i must first make sure i graduate from lawsch with decent grades. and it goes in a circle.

20:35 - 08 June 2010
hello there
the truth is that you bring me more anxiety than joy.

15:54 - 08 June 2010
cool shady day
finally some weather that's bearable. hahah. singapore's been hot hot hot. transiting into the second third of my holidays and i realise i haven't accomplished much in the first. i need time alone to read books i havent had to. haha. had a few badminton/squash sessions with church/school friends and i loved them alot! nice way to interact :)

looking forward to the choir trip to malaysia thurs to sat. it's the most happening thing of my holidays -_- and everyone's coming back soon, so im happy. :D rag is starting to become busy but i do hope to carve out >2hrs of me time everyday in spite of it. and havent had time to start on all those movies victoria so kindly gave me.

why! holidays gt so much time oso like nt enuff. argh

14:51 - 06 June 2010
sunday afternoon
this morning went past in a flash, pretty unremarkable. but n ppl came and asked how come i din go for e camp. grrr. and then i heard that someone told e organisers not to invite me. stop judging people man. you are a pastor damn it, and you judge people repeatedly and without basis through ur actions. fine be it if u have sth personal against me, but don't come interfering in everything i do or may chose to do. and don't act all smiley and nice. don't even THINK you have the moral/spiritual high ground to judge me. it's sad not to be trusted. and trust once broken can nvr be the same again. screw you.

01:26 - 05 June 2010
busy!
I AM DAMN STRESSED NOW. tomorrow ling see. and i havent figured out what to say. ARGH. helppp im 2i/c for law float construction, hope it'll be fun.

19:26 - 01 June 2010
tyre punctured
whoa i cycled all the way to bedok jetty and beyond! and back! had a punctured tyre along the way but managed to get it fixed hahah. next sem nobody's gna ask me "eh baldwin you got exercise often one ah!" i DO. gna be fit as a fiddle by august. intensive trng regime, join me if u want. :) and pastor nip u amaze me at the stunts u pull everyday. stop judging ppl and living in ur own world man grr

00:06 - 30 May 2010
one word -
sian. not emo, not angry, just sian.

16:06 - 28 May 2010
guai lan
have been guai lan-ed (for lack of an English word) by a hodgepodge of people in the past couple of days. i don't understand coz i seldom blab my mouth off insensitively only to be shot back. what's happening man.

i don't understand people who post their results on FB for all to see. obnoxious, arrogant and yet a Christian in my midst. oh please.

four years ago my number one wish in school was to be in the happening, party-going, know-everybody gang. four years later I've grown out of it. and I thank God for that. cool is sexay.

22:50 - 26 May 2010
new word!
hahah i learnt a new word today from tvb drama, mi monchi! think it's italian. and i have a new bike :D:D we wait for a certain chat window to pop open.

22:37 - 25 May 2010
bureaucracy - in church
when people overstep their responsbilities, poke their noses into things they shouldn't and then have to be reined in by their superiors. but often the damage is done and irreversible.

23:59 - 24 May 2010
i like
www.papajam.net is the best thing ever invented. 团契游乐园 高皓正 loves <3

18:54 - 23 May 2010
grim
samsung phone isnt working. din bring enuff money for driving zzz. sped over a hump. on the way to the mrt after driving, almost got mowed down by an impatient driver, i mouthed f at him and gave him my glare haha. bought flour instead of starch. GOT ASKED FOR MY IC when i bought a carlsberg tgt with the flour. apparently im not holy enuff to be a leader and cant ling see for nuts huh. but i shall be less emo in the comin year, i promise. :)

01:34 - 22 May 2010
mmm
friendship - reciprocity (is tt how u spell it) or chemistry? hahah there are alot of people who are nice to you, but you just don't get going with them past general small talk. and then there are people who treat you as any other person, but with whom you can be comfortable saying what you want, face-mask down.

i felt more satisfied last night than now.

14:44 - 21 May 2010
may 21 (20.22)
hello. happy birthday to me! hahah usually i keep things low and this year's no diff! my FB is popping up at regular intervals with well-wishes. everybody so nice hahah. on a side note, i dun understand the self-exhibitionism when ppl post statuses on their OWN wall.

yest: driving, housework and at night og gave me a surprise celebration HAHA i am very touched thank you everybody even though I don't hang out with you guys that often! :D

spent the morning the way i like it best: alone. with piping hot macdonalds breakfast. haha loves. then afternoon getting stuff. lol found everything i wanted am feeling damn pleased with myself now HAHA.

going back to school in a short while for an AGC career talk and then will meat church peeps! yay haha small group, to fit my shy and no-friends personality. lol. aye but a couple of impt ppl can't make it!

more meet-ups tomorrow! with family and other friends :):) and i can't wait for mino they all to come back from U.S. oh oh and i did a perfect U-turn on the first try. wheeeee

20:32 - 19 May 2010
teeveebeeee
im getting hooked onto tvb dramas hahaha. especially those parts with sweet couples and mushy pick-up lines :D oh well we all like to dream don't we. tvb dramas make my life more balanced. HAHA. i have one unhappy household :( 恳亲 my ass la.

16:49 - 18 May 2010
caramel frappe
hello! just back from driving. today went third gear / 60 kph on a super duper busy road (Paya Lebar Road). like omg, he's throwing me right into the deep end. the cars there travel only abit slower than on a highway. and he FELL ASLEEP on a regular basis haha. maybe im so pro that he can afford to. lol.

anyway, after that went McCafe to grab a caramel frappe, and decided to do some quiet time there. read about david-goliath and was reminded of last november's skit. haha good memories. well, the daily bread reading talked about how God can give us courage to conquer (and power to overcome) our worries (that i'd be too lousy to get my exchange in HKU!!), doubts (hahah regarding er, what/who I dreamed about last night), fears (that I won't make it into the Legal Service :(), sin (this week, its some family stuff) and guilt (about keeping mum about sth). yeah those five things! was good to really sit down and do some reflection, prayer.

i should have more of such private sessions with God. often school activities, going out, daily routines cloud our radar and destination(s) in life, and summer is just the right time to get rid of that spiritual smog. till the next entry, pakwai.

17:49 - 17 May 2010
snore
i slept 10 hours last night and just had a three hour nap HAHA. what a life man.

20:12 - 16 May 2010
sunday
it's only one day my friend. not so fast. it can't be! ip-man 2 was like so-so only la. altho everybody else liked it hahah. maybe i dun like those action films with lousy plots. with no sad twists and unfufilled relationships. that's why i liked the last song better! even though miley cyrus isn't chio. resonated with me coz it was about two youngsters' summer break. worth catching, altho nobody else thought so. flirted with the thought of going back to hk for like, 14 hours? hahah. 320 bucks on jetstar isn't too ex but i decided against it in the end. money's all spent on driving lessons! hai but june here in sg will be quite -_- leh, friends are either in UK, US or HK. driving hasn't been the thrill i thought it was gonna be. going round in circles in second gear at 30kph with an uncle staring straight at you's quite sian. but today i could sort of feel the other side to driving - the feeling of liberation, coming-of-age and being in control of yourself. and then promptly got scolded for going too fast and relaxing too much. HAHA.

01:17 - 15 May 2010
e.u
i just finished the last episode of E.U! hahah zong lap man and his silver whistle. like the equivalent of the swordofhonour in army. i never went through that cadet school experience and whatever honour and pride comes with it..perhaps being an officer (and even better, a prize-winning one) is really a sign of chivalry and male-protector-of-the-land-glory. your country and loved ones look up to you to protect them from danger.

these fit brave and alert men were the impt people in years gone past, when society was more simple. before there were sophisticated legal systems, and any need for lawyers arose! top soldiers were important back then and still are now; lawyers are quite important in this age too. and i make a good one of neither.

was never gonna be a top soldier, both fitness and healthwise. and ain't gonna be a good lawyer too, coz i dun have the brains!! maybe all that i can ever have, is somebody to grow old with. but a zhong lap man and a davinder singh,will always be my dream.

00:57 - 13 May 2010
non-flickering computer :)
first driving lesson today! hardly went past 40 kph HAHA. and i cant coordinate the clutch/accelerator properly. haha but was fun nonetheless.

going jb with church peeps tmr, giving up iceskating with og mates! hope its worth it. but i just get damn irritated (like now) when ur trying to organise tmr's gathering time place and people don't even bother to reply you. wth.

laptop got repaired within a day. hahah kudos to hp. and i aint gonna have too many of these noncryptic journallike entries, it just isnt me.

22:11 - 03 May 2010
almost done
one more to go. and then a different task lies ahead. the sky's a deep blue hue and the stars wink at you.

09:47 - 01 May 2010
weekend before contract and crim
ok now i am stressed. dunno whether i can finish studying! gogo pakwai you can do it. when am i gonna transfer that grey matter into good grades. hai. committing everything to You.

23:27 - 25 April 2010
moots
C+. nice. litigation was never meant for me and i knew as well.

01:14 - 18 April 2010
-
God answers prayers if they're sincere and trusting. am pleased. haha :)

23:49 - 14 April 2010
!@#$
moot presentation was a piece of shit. something tells me that im gonna do real bad this sem. ok that's one of the two things. hope the other one does better. wanted to pon the rest of this month's fellowship but then got arrowed to piano for April. dunno whether its a message from God. and just as I am typing this emo post baoguishijia sounds out on the playlist.

20:01 - 11 April 2010
因著信
憑信，他離別吾珥；因信，全然奉上愛子；
憑信，還有人全力抓住天使，贏到祝福、換了名字...

憑信，他行近紅海；因信，連潮浪也分開；
憑信，曾有人被困於獅子坑內，仍敬拜上帝，發誓至死不改！
在某天他下決心圍繞在城外，憑信放聲呼喊，城牆便倒塌下來；
又有先知被擄他方常在心裡靜待，仍確信上帝榮耀會回來！

憑信，他們懷著憑據；因信，同尋著了應許；
憑信，能夠發現在世間只是寄居，朝更美家鄉走回去！

19:46 - 06 April 2010
introverts ftw
when extroverts make friends with you, it doesn't mean much cos its about them and their personality.

when introverts do the same thing, its about you and how they want to be around you.

my parents are going off for a week on thursday. to be honest i don't mind having the house to myself for a while

16:37 - 04 April 2010
christ has risen altho the post isnt really abt that
to be honest im quite tired of this way of communication. but everything will still be the same. only fools do this.

21:36 - 02 April 2010
Good Friday
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

Isaiah 53: 4-6

15:07 - 01 April 2010
:(
:(. that's all!

17:21 - 30 March 2010
saying hi
i conclude that law sch ppl are really nice! many people whom i only know by name have initiated convos with me about random stuff haha and im always touched during those moments! i wish i could reciprocate such initiativeness (which i really appreciate) but its just not me to do so - contrary to what most people think, i'm actually extremely shy. we're taught to be ourselves but we're also taught to be friendly. what if the two conflict?

19:29 - 28 March 2010
crunch time!
had a smashing weekend as i hoped it to be after a double-sleeplessnight-week. im recharged to mug thru the month till the exams! hahah (to add my regular cryptic line) it might all be an illusion, but i like it this way and won't let go =)

10:00 - 25 March 2010
tiramisu!
Ingredients

EGGS, 3 large, with yolks and whites separated
SUGAR, 1/2 cup
MASCARPONE, 8 ounces
LADYFINGERS, 20
Espresso or Strong Coffee, 1 cup
Cognac or Brandy, 2 tablespoons
COCOA, 1/8 cup

Directions

Combine 3 egg yolks, 1 tablespoon Espresso, sugar, and Cognac into the large mixing bowl.
Beat 2 to 3 minutes
Add Mascarpone and beat 3 to 5 minutes until consistency is smooth
In another bowl, combine 3 egg whites and a pinch of sugar. Beat until mixture forms stiff peaks
Gently fold into Mascarpone mixture
Pour rest of Espresso into flat dish, dip one side of each Lady Finger, and layer on bottom of serving dish
Spread 1/3 of Mascarpone mixture and sprinkle with cocoa
Continue layering and finish with a Mascarpone layer
Sprinkle and refrigerate 1 hour before serving

23:40 - 21 March 2010
when sunday doesn feel sunday
sometimes i just feel eff-ed up and filthy. yes only hours after worship and holy communion.

i cant play a perfect piece for nuts. i need constant encouragement coz i think i suck at everything. im scared of losing face even when i want to be nice. im afraid i'll pull down the grades of my moot partner. i cant do group work properly coz nothing will be done after eight hours. im not willing to give in to my parents. i lack sleep. im like half a sem behind readings for some modules. above all i cant get sth off my mind. in short, feelin damn lousy.

ARGH

00:21 - 21 March 2010
escapade
i feels like going to a beach watch the sunset and drink some booze. somewhere besides singapore. where's good?

21:48 - 20 March 2010
it's all in the mind
so much wary-ness, worry and self-doubt when there's nothing to be such about! life is simple haha. especially on a rainy windswept afternoon-napped evening :) i miss cc2 practices

15:37 - 18 March 2010
abcdefg
i rest my soul in Christ alone.When the oceans rise, and thunders roar, I will soar with You, above the storm.I will be still, and know, You are God.

01:52 - 10 March 2010
Writing into the Straits Times
Transport Paralysis During Sports Events

The Government can and should do much more to help residents affected by extensive road closures for the purposes of marathon and cycling events.

As a resident in the Fort Road/Tanjong Rhu area, my transport to the city is severed around five times a year during sports events such as the Nike Human Race, Adidas Sundown and Standard Chartered Marathon. Whereas I have five different routes to the city normally, the traffic diversions effected during these events mean that the nearest functioning bus stop during those times is at least 2 kilometres. It is impossible to book a cab because drivers will feedback to the booking system that they cannot access the area. As to flagging one on the street, well, experience tells me that it takes an average of half an hour to do so on these mornings – more than ten times my usual waiting time at any hour and day. I think the resulting inconvenience speaks for itself.

There are three possible actions the relevant authorities may consider to alleviate this recurring problem. First, is to gather residents’ concerns as well as suggestions on how to hold the events with minimal disruption to their lives. This effort must be initiated by the local authorities, be it via a dialogue session called by the Member of Parliament or by other means. This endeavour is significant in sending the right signal because if nothing else, it shows that the needs of the individual are important and valued. Second, it may be feasible to set-up a shuttle service from this part of the island to the town centre (i.e City Hall). Again, experience tells me that critical mass needed to make this service profitable would not be a problem. In any case, profitability should not be a consideration. Third, perhaps the Government can consider running the events at different routes during different years. This is not primarily intended to pass the inconvenience around. Rather, it should be viewed as avoiding the situation where a single group of residents carries a collective burden on its own.

It should be highlighted that all the three suggestions above assume that the events will, and should, be held. What must be considered is how to alleviate inconvenience assuming that there is sufficient merit in holding the events. There is no argument here that these sporting events should be sacrificed for a small body of residents, since the events no doubt promote a healthy lifestyle, promote bonding as well as offer advertisement opportunities. Nevertheless, it cannot be emphasized enough that the inconveniences are real and severe. The duration of road closure and traffic diversion usually lasts from Sunday midnight to Sunday afternoon – easily twelve hours. This makes it impractical for church-goers and maids on their off-day to attempt to adjust their schedule on these Sundays so as to get around the transport paralysis – whether they should be made to do so is another question. This reality, coupled with the noise on the street that starts from around five o’clock in the morning, makes these events dreaded dates on the calendar for many people.

To conclude, it is recognized that in the pursuit of community interests certain individual benefits have to be sacrificed, and it is all a matter of balance in every case. While we may quibble over how the balance is struck, what is really needed here is an effort to involve the individual where his needs are sacrificed and to minimize those sacrifices themselves. The lack of such effort at the moment, perhaps even a noxious lack of sensitivity on the part of the relevant authorities to the need for such an effort, leaves much to be desired.

17:35 - 09 March 2010
flu bug
im falling sick. -_- gahh

22:43 - 07 March 2010
vehicular dreams
my goal is to have a new bicycle and a car by the time year 2 starts. bicycle, cos east coast park is so near. and car, cos school is so far.

22:47 - 03 March 2010
-
life sucks. i wanna hide myself in some 深山野岭 (deep mountains wild ridges) and just watch the sunset and glittering stars every night. whats the point of everything else?

20:14 - 28 February 2010
:D
thoroughly enjoyed the bus ride home today. HAHA. we all enjoy those moments don't we? two things i've learnt: 1) the more seriously you do ur QT in the morning, the better that day will go 2) when you get damn stressed, stop whatever you're doing, be still and pray to God. The peace He gives you is amazing.

11:56 - 27 February 2010
oangoirhogiweh
sometimes i just think that i suck at everything. and sometimes i think that i'll always be the timon/pumbaa to the simbas and nalas around me.

00:31 - 27 February 2010
1030???
i promised God that I won't be ponning fellowship this year merely coz there's work to do but im really having a hard re-think for tomorrow when its like from 1030 to 6? and neither related to ministry or anything. nor do i like those 20+ ppl meals after that. do i have to draw a line or do I just go and leave God to draw it for me (how would i know when and where it has been drawn for me)? also considering that im in the midst of a hell 10 days. BAH. ive also decided i shudnt be using other ppl as a gauge - different expectations, abilities, subjects.

on a separate but not too separate note, i finally understand why the change. i should have earlier man.

16:34 - 19 February 2010
politics musing
heard that elections may be around the corner. really hope more people will run for the opposition party. not because PAP is lousy (its really good to be honest), but because the country needs non-PAP MPs to go in and make the election system fairer again. such as getting rid of GRCs and restrictions on speech and assembly then singapore can start anew again, with people allowed to make informed, real choices about who they want to represent them. im hoping it will happen

17:19 - 17 February 2010
afternoon nap
what could be greater bliss than an afternoon nap? time spent sleeping is time well spent, and better spent than time with 95& of ur friends :) its like the core and penumbra of an eclipse. People in the penumbra are pretty arbitrary and replaceable, sad to say.

its really coz "“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”. think back to ur secondary school friends - at this point in time, with how many do you share a mutual want to regularly keep in touch? and then you wonder, how many of your current friends you'll still be close to when you're, say, 27.

that's why i feel any gathering of more than erm 6 people is realli only meant to satisfy one's want for fun and excitement in life: it doesnt help to build/strengthen relationships at all. anti-social/emo/moody? take ur pick hahaha. :)

18:20 - 16 February 2010
-
another one of those days when i feel damn shitty about myself. i am really very sorry elizabeth! :)

18:03 - 14 February 2010
nice song!
nth much to write really increasingly feelin uncomfortable posting stuff here but there's damn nice song i just downloaded hahaha.

A Moment Like This

Everything changes, but beauty remains.
Something so tender I cant explain.
Well I may be dreaming but til I awake..Can we make the dream last forever?
And I'll cherish all the love we share for a moment like this.

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

The speed of waiting love of all.
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall.
So let me tell you this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this...

Some people search a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

:)

19:26 - 10 February 2010
yay
i have rediscovered the love for my piano :)

21:13 - 01 February 2010
life sucks
big time.

18:45 - 29 January 2010
law school
sometimes we have to take some time out from our busy schedules to take stock of how our bread-and-butter tasks matter in the larger picture.

i was browsing through obama's state of the union speech as well as the wiki extract of the recent US Supreme Court decision with regards to corporate election spending. not sure how many law freshies really bother but a few things struck me:

1)how it is a privilege to read landmark decisions and be part of the tradition of lawyers around the world who have been shaped and fascinated by such decisions in equal measure.how often do we see it as a privilege?

2)how policymaking is really a matter that affects everybody's life. within one speech obama really addressed almost all that concerns our living. discourses such as these really hold more meaning than small talk, coffeeshop talk or stockmarket talk.

3)the dreams that top justices had when they were like, us, fresh into law school. they had ambitions, and no doubt had ability as well. im just wondering what is the relationship between ambition and how well we do and whether there is a place for lofty aspirations if ur not the top of ur class.

every student has those times of 'im just so sick of studying'. sloth tends to set in and we just feel like hanging out with friends on sunday afternoons etc.ive been having that feeling the past two weeks.but often its at the expense of commitment to one's studies/work, and with that, also the training we need to really use our profession to serve the greater good. at the end of the day i think we need to not work 24/7 not because people may brand u a nerd-mugger, but ONLY because we need time to reconnect with God everyday.

maybe i should take some time to appreciate the sunset over the picturesque quad everyday. there is a higher purpose to all of this, and it is for us to discover and embrace it.

00:33 - 28 January 2010
horrible week
work work work work work. still need to go to occ for church rehearsal. on the other hand THE MRT IS COMING TO MY HOUSE IN APRIL. hahaha. the quality of writing here is going down the drain.

09:38 - 25 January 2010
my love (coast to coast)
So I say a little prayer
And hope my dreams will take its there
Where the skies are blue, to see you once again... my love.
All the seas from coast to coast
To find the place I Love The Most
Where the fields are green, to see you once again... my love.

i love this song.

18:12 - 22 January 2010
today
i loved this morning's weather! the overcast, windy, drizzling, dark, chilly air even at 730am. hahaha decided that after i grad ill move to somewhere with dis kinda chilly weather EVERYDAY! lol. like..hongkong or sth! and come to sg in the summer :)

lol and for some reason ive happily spending alot of time on FB dis year! on everything but studies, to be exact.

15:49 - 21 January 2010
wth
Whenever it comes to group work, I'm always picking up the slack. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm just too nice. its not intellectual elitism-im far from being the smartest here. its just that hard work and dedication to studies is a lil lacking here in law.

10:55 - 15 January 2010
erps
some people are needed for December, others there for you the whole year.

some are only part of your faceless group of party pals, others are your pals no matter sunny,cloudy or rainy.

00:22 - 15 January 2010
shortest entry ever - no words to describe
:))

23:14 - 07 January 2010
7th jan
i have much more impt things to do than blog tonight but AIYA.

feeling pretty contented even though hols are ending! i went back to school juz now to see whether there were any notes to collect (sadly there werent) but i did realise how pretty the law campus is! especially when its at night and quiet. this may not have been my first (or even tenth) choice school one year ago or even now but it is definitely chio!

hahaha and other happy stuff including getting a new bottle, dumbbells and getting over (i hope) the past week's bout of insecurity. and yesterday's holy, peaceful, leisurely day yesterday from 7am to 7pm was just right to switch me from holiday mood to school mood. life feels good :)

22:14 - 04 January 2010
whatever pleases u
遇過很多的損友　學到貪新厭舊

my blog is becoming like a facebook status thingy. cos i dun want my thoughts to pollute other people's FB feeds, and it also isnt very nice to put emo lines on my MSN nic.

i think im gettin attention-deficit disorder. or i just nid to occupy myself to get my mind off _

02:14 - 01 January 2010
harlo 2010
possessive disorder. its damn screwed up. im a freak. ahhh. relaxx. 09 gondie

12:47 - 26 December 2009
nice passage
"One evening, a pretty, light-skinned counselor asked Henry if he'd like to pray with her. She was seventeen, slim and gentle-mannered; she wore a brown skirt, a white frilly blouse, her her was in a ponytail, and to Henry she was so beautiful he lost his breath".

Have a little faith is a rocking read.

11:03 - 24 December 2009
december equations
my parents love fine dining but its really not my cup of tea. the time sitting there can be put to better use pampering somebody/reading a good book, the money spent can if properly used can perhaps feed a hundred mouths more, and waitering is abit of a demeaning job, or so i feel. haute culture and the high life leaves a bitter aftertaste when we consider how people dont have clean water, sufficient food and proper shelter! everybody is overseas + i refuse to check results + melancholic weather = sianz christmas. a heart was meant for 2. not 1, not 3, not many. merry christmas :)

23:46 - 20 December 2009
awesome weather
the 26 degrees 2330 december breeze is just so damn cool.

wats a word for the feeling that is a mish-mash of peaceful serenity, helpful-to-be-of-assistance and uneasy worry. cos its exactly how im feeling.

haha and i just thot that humans are like a cello. where the strings are heartstrings. who is the cellist who can pluck them with unrivalled skill? which performer can create exuberant symphonies with these strings of ours?

01:09 - 18 December 2009
songgggg
男︰完了吧　如無意外
曾失戀的都必須戀愛
女︰悔恨從前隱瞞感情　常常猜疑將來
你就似沒存在
男︰我就似沒存在

合︰完了吧　仍能撐起來
前進便讓自尊心放開
告別從前總是不易
男︰然而假如只得我在
女︰然而假如不止你在
男︰我怎讓來覓尋下一位摯愛
女︰你可願留下來盼一位摯愛

18:37 - 16 December 2009
i love my blog
skipping more stuff tonight. partially cos im still frigging sick, but oh well am well enough to have gone for either. its just one of those days.

i miss granny. the most enlightened, forward-thinking 80-sth year old you could think of. in many ways, much more happening and 'in' than me. there was nth under the sun we couldn't chat about, from friends, ambitions, family, to her pet topics of travel and world leaders. there was that special connection. on the other hand, my parents are infuriatingly stubborn and old-fashioned.

went shopping for my mom's present yesterday. and yes, more thoughts. i clearly felt less enthusiastic shopping around for mom than i have felt when doing so for other ppl. for example, that chocbrowniecake on 14 feb many years back and flowersnstuff on another day in aug 06. yesterday just felt like an obligation, stemming from that you-cant-choose-ur-parents thing. not sure whether it should feel this way but i have a hunch that it isnt totally wrong. there's a reason ur NOK changes from your parents to ur spouse once ur married. the truth is that we get to choose our spouse and something of choice is likely to be more treasured.

22:46 - 14 December 2009
Eye
-think that Facebook is disgustingly self-exhibitionist. what happened to intimate phonecalls and face-to-face communcation?

-am not the most diplomatic person on earth and i dont apologise for that. go find a foreign service officer instead.

-have cast-in-stone standards of how people should or should not be.

-wonder, when will christmas be less lonely?

-am of the opinion that those who dont work hard at school have no right to grumble about the education system.

-think that tattoos are an abomination. surely you have better things to define yourself?

-dont believe in the separation of church and state. absolutely not.

-am of the opinion taht wearing slippers to school is abhorrent behaviour. university is not the beach.

12:03 - 12 December 2009
~!@#$%^&*()
screw this blocked nose/cough/fever/ headache/whatever not. go and diee. i thought it would only last 24 hrs. sigh

20:22 - 09 December 2009
sick
cough cough sniff sniff sneeze sneeze

23:22 - 07 December 2009
to serve
hi. was looking through my camp booklet, and a comment that said i let her realise that in serving God, Availability over all capabilities.

well i think it suffices to say that ive been the exact antithesis of the statement ever since school started. its been quite irresponsible really when u dun appear people are afraid to roster you and theres fewer ppl to share the job. but thats a really small matter i guess, comparatively.

i need to change my attitude towards serving - the burden on time and energy is common to all. and anyway God will provide the grace and strength when u provide yourself. when i see those who need to put in more effort/time/stress in doing the same thing committing to it with joy, it really makes me ashamed.

i need to learn. theres much to learn from just about everyone around me when it comes to serving. and learn fast.

there's a personal promise here with God to not let it happen next sem.

21:49 - 01 December 2009
dyinggggg
er life this kinda life, kinda sucks. help!

19:21 - 29 November 2009
dunno what title to put
i pretty much agree with a friend's nick which said: all we need is someone to hug when we are happy, somebody's shoulder to lean on when we are less than happy and a person to watch the sunset with when we cant decide whether to be happy or not.

22:44 - 23 November 2009
the end
you know, its hard to find closure. hours of lecture, tutorial, revision, thoughts, long hours in school. and like whoosh its over. seemed like its only yesterday. it just ends in a uberstressful paper. in a cold exam hall, where everyone becomes numbers. it will continue to be, when the matric numbers find company in some red inki of A, B, C, D etc. the textbooks get thrown away, the content of the subject slowly drains away, a space on your transcript gets filled up. in the larger scale of things we are but cogs in the NUS system, batch after batch of faceless pupils. its times like these that i realise how relationships are that much more precious than a high-flying career (which im not gonna have anw). relationships with God, with close circle of friends, your parents, and your other half (if any). those who are willing to spend time with you, listen to your nonsense, and share in common experiences. indeed those moments of laughter transcend one's modules and jobs and are the moments we'll remember sixty years down the road.

10:21 - 17 November 2009
-
it just happens without you being able to control it.

00:27 - 09 October 2009
-
i think im juz gonna abandon this blog for a while. i never gather enough thoughts to write a decent entry. and its just unhealthy grumbling. shoo

23:50 - 02 October 2009
disgusting choice
urgh. the nth time i have to choose between law and church stuff. disgusting choice indeed. i dun like making such trade-offs. the rigours of law school-how many understand? :)

loves the moon.

23:57 - 28 September 2009
read read and read sommore
need to find a permenant de-stressing activity.

16:31 - 27 September 2009
still and sunny sunday afternoon
its another of those sunday afternoons when i have to go home willingly haha.decided not to jam in 509 after all,with school lurking intimidatingly.you know,sometimes i wish i was living in the countryside,tending to sheep and maize and cherries, and not caring less about studies.lawyer huh.i prefer the label of a good christian,of a public spirited youth.sending more ppl off later (kenny & zhui pei) and yeah its gonna be another emo evening.of a non-flight to london-heathrow, and of a prayer that there's space to dream in nus law.

23:03 - 23 September 2009
need to level up
my Bible knowledge. its awfully inadequate. mugmugmugmugmug

22:16 - 11 September 2009
labels and a C-
i think i have this conceited air that borders on cockiness.which isnt good.well yeah going by (relatively) where i from, what ive done and where i could have gone I shud be surviving pretty well in law sch.but a C- for the email advice doesnt show that.need to change my stubborn and supremely messy studying habits.and im not gonna make excuses abt getting the structure and stuff all wrong cos they're of no use.suddenly labels like gep rj ucl are an unnecessary burden.ive always been a slow starter in academics and here in nus law the continual assessment system doesn allow for that.not does it allow for alot of sleep ARGH.lord pl