00:27 - 09 October 2009
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i think im juz gonna abandon this blog for a while. i never gather enough thoughts to write a decent entry. and its just unhealthy grumbling. shoo

23:50 - 02 October 2009
disgusting choice
urgh. the nth time i have to choose between law and church stuff. disgusting choice indeed. i dun like making such trade-offs. the rigours of law school-how many understand? :)

loves the moon.

23:57 - 28 September 2009
read read and read sommore
need to find a permenant de-stressing activity.

16:31 - 27 September 2009
still and sunny sunday afternoon
its another of those sunday afternoons when i have to go home willingly haha.decided not to jam in 509 after all,with school lurking intimidatingly.you know,sometimes i wish i was living in the countryside,tending to sheep and maize and cherries, and not caring less about studies.lawyer huh.i prefer the label of a good christian,of a public spirited youth.sending more ppl off later (kenny & zhui pei) and yeah its gonna be another emo evening.of a non-flight to london-heathrow, and of a prayer that there's space to dream in nus law.

23:03 - 23 September 2009
need to level up
my Bible knowledge. its awfully inadequate. mugmugmugmugmug

22:16 - 11 September 2009
labels and a C-
i think i have this conceited air that borders on cockiness.which isnt good.well yeah going by (relatively) where i from, what ive done and where i could have gone I shud be surviving pretty well in law sch.but a C- for the email advice doesnt show that.need to change my stubborn and supremely messy studying habits.and im not gonna make excuses abt getting the structure and stuff all wrong cos they're of no use.suddenly labels like gep rj ucl are an unnecessary burden.ive always been a slow starter in academics and here in nus law the continual assessment system doesn allow for that.not does it allow for alot of sleep ARGH.lord please help me.

22:46 - 07 September 2009
music
taking the liberty to blog whens theres stackloads of legalsystems notes to go thru haha.

my mp3 is currently my best friend. im plugged in at all times on weekdays minus lessons. cc2 songs fr e weekend on loop. loves :)

and i realised that ppl whom ive been seeing at most twice a year have been following these sporadic posts. value of friendship.

and well im always the sentimental melancholy quiet chap. learnt to accept it as a part of me. how much ive grown since jc days haha.

loves kiss the rain from yiruma.

22:07 - 05 September 2009
oppression
my house seems like a court in rome, i feel like a paul. being persecuted for being part of God's family. im sorry if ive been ponning fellowship and youth choir. its just so -_-.

u guys are just biased man. no matter how little or how many hours i spend in church, for proper reasons no less, its still too much huh. family responsibilites is just used as a omnipresent,big-brother,faceless term to attack me, much like Bush used "war on terror". take a cross-section of tertiary students and conclude from there whether i do not help out at home enuff, not from your friggin screwed n warped prejudices. i have enough stress to deal with in school without this nonsense at home.

go and die la, seriously. liddat how to smile?

23:59 - 03 September 2009
biblical law/legal bible
when cases start looking like chapters in the bible (esp the footnotes cf my study bible). when dissecting them feels funnily like bible study. when lectures remind you of sunday sermons. i think i should prepare for sunday school just like i prepare for tutorials-reading up and writing out all the answers. theres a strong Christian influence in law school (i think the subject itself is rooted in Christian history-shall leave that for my next post) but im really not inclined to go for vcf when im screwing up assignments cos i dun agree that the standard format is appropriate for those particular cases. need time and solitude to reflect on the cases and legal writing methods. it just feels abit inflexible to me :)

23:12 - 29 August 2009
saturday night fever
yes ive finally slain that monster called email advice. never EVER going for any social event right before a LAWR submission. on the other hand its 3 more weeks to the next one-time to throw LAWR outta window.

14:46 - 29 August 2009
mad rush
when 21sts, airport send-offs and suppers are luxuries that are rarely affordable.

22:42 - 22 August 2009
per quod consortium et servitium amisit
hello blog. i say hi to you whenever i feel shitty. i think its a combination of 1) fiery ppl at home 2) nus 3) well, a lack of companionship. haha yes. on the other hand i like to disappear into a secluded corner of the library/home right after lessons end. companionship or not? regular QT in the morning doesn seemed to have helped the above beyond giving me focus in studies. sian sigh lonely.

well if all my posts seem emo, its cos id be typing on msn instead when im not feeling shitty. and i dun tailor my posts to my readers. its straight from inside me :)

22:33 - 23 July 2009
UCL? no more!
i finally wrote in to UCL this morning! the dream's over baby. let's hope it's the right choice :)

23:30 - 20 July 2009
school
i dun want my holidays to end. planning for timon camp is sian. and i dunno how i've started to play piano so often.

16:48 - 28 June 2009
money power
i finally understand why i have never felt the peace after accepting the UCL offer. because i dun wanna be with the knowledge that my career/CV/future was built using a sum of money that many others cannot afford. in other words, because i have always been skeptical about the role of money in shaping social capital, and in fact, in doing anything significant. and by extension, because i believe that true quality will always shine through in the end, regardless of where you've been or how much you've spent. ROAR got it out of my system finally-thanks the Lord :)

00:44 - 23 June 2009
a dream
will dreams come true? i hope last night's will. it had such a warm cuddly feel to it!

01:26 - 19 June 2009
grandma
grandma passed away last friday. i remember when i was looking through the commonapp questions, for "a person that has influenced you the most", it was grandma by a long shot. i'll always rmb her exhortation to be strong and self-confident. thanks alot grandma. it's a pity you won't be able to make it to attend my matriculation but im sure you're happy where you are. it's God's grace that you have accepted him even at this old age.

17:22 - 07 May 2009
fed-up
nid a break. why i do always feel unfulfilled unsatisfied and sianz

18:28 - 04 May 2009
Sianz
i wanna go home. i miss the sights sounds and people especially. i wish my uni would be settled sooner. pretty fed-up

22:58 - 26 April 2009
AWARE
diversity in advocacy groups and NGOs? bullshit man. gays are friggin warped in the mind, abnormal in body and weird in soul. crudely, lacking in humanity's essence. go study the abnormality further and its implications before supporting it mindlessly people.

kudos to those who had the guts and balls to uphold their convictions. because everything works for the truth. civil or not.

01:24 - 10 April 2009
Outspoken
Some people are just unbelievingly self-righteous. That's your right, but it isn't when it translates to you shouting at me in the house for absolutely no reason at all. Please go and reflect thanks.

And yes. my outspokenness and speed in judging people has come in for comment and criticism once again. Indeed it is a weakness. But point is, I never mean any malice, it's just airing my thoughts. Without such a interaction of opinions, where would improvements come from? I think keeping quiet is a greater problem. Seriously.

20:38 - 06 April 2009
God+socials
im curious about a phenomenon that always seems to occur in a working/project/trip group, smaller than size 10 with roughly equal gender balance. it seems to me that together, the guys instinctively look for the most attractive member of the opposite sex and she becomes the topic of conversation throughout and among all the males.

that aside, i'm glad i've been waking up 15 min earlier for a morning QT. it has really strengthened my relationship with God and sincerely, makes my day so much more secure and smooth. Thank you Lord =)

07:34 - 01 April 2009
decisions to be made
More disappointed than happy. But I trust in God's will. Lord, please help me to decide. :)

17:37 - 03 March 2009
hong kong drama
know what im a closet hong kong drama fan. this period after army watched alot of them, and i feel good! makes me more, err, balanced. haha. perhaps its cos im an only child and lack company at home. those dramas make you feel so human-personifying your emotions, concerns and thoughts. and of course, i love those couple stories best :) makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. go watch!

19:41 - 18 January 2009
quotes
saw a few quotes which I loved enuff to put here:

honesty: e greatest advantage of telling e truth is that 1 is so much likely to sound convincing (susan howatch)
character: u can measure a man by e opposition it takes to discourage him (robert savage)
faith: pple who believe a prob can be solved tend 2 get bz solving it (william raspberry)
conscience: a sense of shame is not a bad moral compass (colin powell)
purpose: e biggest threat 2 our well-being is e absence of moral clarity and purpose (rick shuman)
service: leadership is an opportunity to serve, it is not a trumpet call to self-importance (donald walter)

actually i'm wondering whether to keep this blog-it's too inactive to be relevant.

ORD lo! haha.

12:41 - 01 January 2009
new year
goodbye 2008. very soon i will be a civilian, and honestly, it cannot come earlier! 23rd Jan is THE day when i can sleep at home again. haha.

in 2008 i organised a camp, got baptised, fought ATEC.

wish i could have known where i would be studying come aug/sep 2009, but sadly, i dont.

and i really need to move myself more this year. been bumming ard doing nothing much.

going to hk/macau wif 4m-ers in feb then its time for a job.

cheers to a better 2009!

12:41 - 01 January 2009
new year
goodbye 2008. very soon i will be a civilian, and honestly, it cannot come earlier! 23rd Jan is THE day when i can sleep at home again. haha.

in 2008 i organised a camp, got baptised, fought ATEC.

wish i could have known where i would be studying come aug/sep 2009, but sadly, i dont.

and i really need to move myself more this year. been bumming ard doing nothing much.

going to hk/macau wif 4m-ers in feb then its time for a job.

cheers to a better 2009!

-
-

12:41 - 01 January 2009
new year
goodbye 2008. very soon i will be a civilian, and honestly, it cannot come earlier! 23rd Jan is THE day when i can sleep at home again. haha.

in 2008 i organised a camp, got baptised, fought ATEC.

wish i could have known where i would be studying come aug/sep 2009, but sadly, i dont.

and i really need to move myself more this year. been bumming ard doing nothing much.

going to hk/macau wif 4m-ers in feb then its time for a job.

cheers to a better 2009!

23:01 - 28 November 2008
turmoil
for some reason the death of the sg hostage in mumbai has struck me pretty hard. she might well have been a personal friend or relative. the danger of terror is indeed felt more keenly when one from your community becomes a victim.

somali pirates, unrest in thailand's south and terror in mumbai share a common denominator whose unspeakable nature is getting harder to justify. how many excuses do we give? when lives are at stake, i dun think everything needs to be proven intellectually. kudos to Bush for having the moral fortitude to run Guantanamo. I am, and have always been, one big supporter of it.

21:11 - 31 October 2008
Family
my mom's going mad. shouting at anybody and everybody in the house. i wish her well.

22:39 - 10 October 2008
lonely
sometimes i feel that nobody understands me when it comes to intellectual issues and conservation. you know, that feeling of how they barely scratch the surface of what you understand.

it's disturbing. i never claim to be a genius, nor would i dare to. but now and then, i just feel like im stuck in an ivory tower of theories, concepts and perceptions.

what has gep done to me?? argh.

23:35 - 07 October 2008
Cupid's Arrow
My frequency of blogging is inversely proportional to my time left till ORD. :D:D

Can't help but realise many of my close friends are currently dating O_o makes me kinda, er, sentimental. i wonder, just ponder, whether our friendship will still be the same when they have their significant others. then there are those whom you had a crush on long long ago. but it's alright. im happy to be a swingin' single at the moment. never seem to have the time. and some wounds simply havent healed, as yet. :)

00:46 - 05 October 2008
washington elite-the sg version
just came back from spellbound-and i just had to jot this down. glori said the event was elitist-and i coudnt agree more => an audience of exclusively RJ/Med, MP for GoH, mass prayer b4 and after the event. sort of reminds me of how they say the ocs social night is a 2nd sch prom.

seems like this social stratification is sth every society has to deal with, from the us to sg. has implications on national decision-making, whether all people can n shud be trusted to make decisions concernin themselves-human nature yada yada.

im too tired to think. gd nite. spellbound was cool. so was pac. as was the crowd.

22:47 - 12 September 2008
holy war?
Lincoln said:

The will of God prevails. In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time. In the present civil war it is quite possible that God's purpose is something different from the purpose of either party—and yet the human instrumentalities, working just as they do, are of the best adaptation to effect his purpose. I am almost ready to say this is probably true—that God wills this contest, and wills that it shall not end yet. By his mere quiet power, on the minds of the now contestants, He could have either saved or destroyed the Union without a human contest. Yet the contest began. And having begun He could give the final victory to either side any day. Yet the contest proceeds.

Really thought-provoking way of looking at Iraq, even if intellectuals like to disregard with disdain conservatives' views on foreign policy.

it's been 7 years since September 11. the world's changed much. what about you? is it for the better? :)

00:09 - 30 October 2008
Randomness
doesn't exist.

19:54 - 02 July 2008
Home!
today when I got off the bus and walked home, I suddenly realised how pretty my house is! it's the effect of being in camp for 2 plus weeks heh. army does make you appreciate things more.

the bus was driving home from plc and it was on the stretch of ECP facing marina bay, shenton way, fullerton, esplanade, the ferris wheel etc. there's a construction frenzy in the marina area due to the Integrated Resorts-really very very busy! the whole skyscape bore a slight resemblance to Shanghai's. I'm always inspired by city skylines. And I want to see more! London, NY, Paris.

I want to ORD to see the world, to chase my dreams. many others in my unit want to ORD so that they can stay up late and party every night. then I cant help but ask myself, what's the point? army, with its regimentation, is probably the place that benefits them most.

Lastly, my army phone's down. how peaceful life can be without a working phone haha. freeeddomm.

00:09 - 19 June 2008
Standby + BME
Chief Clerk in Active Infantry Battalion=Confined in camp+working till midnight+always on call.

Its tough but theres sth I like about it too. ty

12:23 - 24 May 2008
Political Views
I really wonder whether people know what they mean when they put their political views as "very liberal" or "conservative" on Facebook. Theres a huge imbalance of liberals among my contacts, which seems to suggest that liberal=liberate=freedom=democratic=anti-communist=typical eurocentric mindset. Well obviously the 2nd and 4th equal signs are nonsense.

The other day it struck me that "religious harmony" in Singapore could actually be a result of religous apathy. The strong emphasis on harmony, based on the milking of a tenous national identity, is a double-edged sword. Unless one can see the greater role of religion in a country's soul, the exclusion of religion from Singapore's public sphere gradually degenerates any faith that exists into a habitual process of churchmosquetemple going. We are afraid of asserting our religion in our lives and interation because we fear that peace in the country will be destroyed. And our government, opportunisitic as always, takes this apathy and indifference as religious harmony. Religion is threefold-a definition of the person, a utilitarian glue that can bond the people, or if treated wrongly, an impediment to national growth. Singapore is going down the path of the lattermost. As responsible citizens we should not fail to see that the freedom of religious practice here a.k.a secularism is practical in motive and is just a smokescreen on the generally condescending way local leaders view religion. This can only go so far because the citizenry, and by extension the country, will only continue to grow if we allow religion to take on the first two roles mentioned earlier.

Now tell me whether im Conservative or Liberal. My Facebook answer is defintiely correct.

13:37 - 03 May 2008
Poly to Law School and on to NYU
Often,the press feeds on our own assumptions and conceptions. Take the below headline in today's ST for example.

I went, so what?? Why must we sensationalise instances where people take a less traditional route in life? Being in Poly never meant one was less capable. The article went on to say that this student "beat some of the best JC students". Well, congrats to him that he topped his poly cohort and did well (not like outstandingly well) in Law. If a comparison has to be made between Poly and JC, then compare like for like. Place his CV alongside those JC grads who have gone on to Harvard, Yale, Oxbridge etcetc and see how it stands up.

We should always be aiming for the best and not to the limits of societal impressions. And the press has a role and responsibility to encourage this ethos.

22:44 - 02 May 2008
Caring
i get very irritated when i see that army regulars NEVER visit the cookhouse for their lunch or dinner. and it's pretty much ALL the regulars. imagine the amount of food wasted everyday. on one side on the earth in haiti people are killing one another over food and then in our backyard tonnes of food are being dumped everyday. not to mention that the artificial demand is further aggravated when they drive out for their meals.

At the Perspectives Conference yesterday, Dr. Thio Li-ann said that we have a responsibility to speak up and do something about whatever issue rouses our heart. That we have to CARE, and not be selfish. Seemed like God was telling me to write in to the papers about the food issue, i dunno. Still trying to figure out. The Prof was a great speaker btw. Fantastically inspirational and funny too.

And Lester rocks. Just the guy you need to challenge your assumptions and engage in some intellecual (hopefully) dialogue on a lazy, swelteringly hot afternoon.

23:58 - 12 April 2008
Inconsiderate
It's really irritating when people play their music loudly on the bus.

I want to be a member of one of the bookstores, but cant decide which one. next book: bhutto's reconciliation.

Thought: As we seek to search for alternative sources of energy and also make our machines more efficient, it becomes clear that environmental protection and economic growth aren't mutually exclusive.

There's no soccer tonight, so gonna sleep early. Nite.

22:44 - 05 April 2008
Thoughts
Big Ben beckons, though I wanted the Big Apple.

My Wednesday was an interesting day in the army. I escorted one serviceman to LTA to answer for some traffic charges. He was subsequently brought down to the Subordinate Courts to get charged, and I was there. The curious thing is, I had just gotten my place in Law the previous night and it seemed almost unbelievable that I would be led to the Courts the very next day. As I stared at the Lawyers' Oath and the Singapore crest, I wondered whether this was my calling.

I just finished Obama's Audacity of Hope, probably the first book I've really read since Sec 1. Haha. Autobiographies are indeed interesting as they expose the psyche of their authors-their views and values, unlike fiction and other non-fiction which by and large does not do so as directly. And Obama's views on government are certainly compelling and thought-provoking. Every page I flipped, there was this litle voice telling me that yes, politics has always been your passion, if only an ignored one.

Baldwin it's time to recognise your strengths, and weaknesses, set goals for yourself, and believe that you, together with God, can achieve them. While I do not agree with alot of things in the book, it nonetheless gave me the self-belief that I've sorely lacked since young, reminding me of the need to start focusing. Thank you Obama.

01:10 - 22 March 2008
When things fall in place
I sat down to blog but realised that I don't really have to write about the past few days. Mm.

It's amazing how I've only discovered the joy of reading now. In fact, I have never really read anything up until now, not even compulsory texts in Secondary School (copy n paste the notes!) I think books come into your life when you seek some discipline into your life. Army's usually one of those times because you realise that there's nothing much that's important to you there. Your book then becomes a part of you, you best companion that can chat with you through the day and into the night.

Easter's a good time to just take a step back and reflect on God's love for us, how so many things that we take for granted are actually gifts from Him.

I wanna go breakfast with my dad tmr, been some time since we last did.

01:10 - 22 March 2008
When things fall in place
I sat down to blog but realised that I don't really have to write about the past few days. Mm.

It's amazing how I've only discovered the joy of reading now. In fact, I have never really read anything up until now, not even compulsory texts in Secondary School (copy n paste the notes!) I think books come into your life when you seek some discipline into your life. Army's usually one of those times because you realise that there's nothing much that's important to you there. Your book then becomes a part of you, you best companion that can chat with you through the day and into the night.

Easter's a good time to just take a step back and reflect on God's love for us, how so many things that we take for granted are actually gifts from him.

I wanna go breakfast with my dad tmr, been some time since we last did.

23:53 - 09 March 2008
-
Hellloo Im back. before I go sleep, I need to wonder my people like to play their music so their speakers at top volume on the bus. I thought such simple courtesy need not be taught. And the English on TV Mobile is just downright irritating. alright good nite.

19:31 - 17 February 2008
Tekong
Back to that island from Mon to Thur.let's hope it's cooling O_o

16:07 - 29 January 2008
thoughts
Scientists create new possibilities, entrepreneurs apply these possibilities to the society, politicians/lawyers/doctors deal with the ethical dilemmas that arise from these possibilities and artists express these possibilities through film, music, drama and dance.

That day I took the train home again, and looking at the same scenery as my JC days as the train sped out from the tunnel, I realised that I've learnt and grown so much the past year in the army. And understood self and the relationship between self and others so much better.

00:51 - 19 January 2008
emo
i need a break.

the baggage is so heavy. it is dragging me back, and giving me the recurring feeling of others not understanding me.

im tired.

22:15 - 23 December 2007
Carolling
Hehhe I'm back from a whole day of carolling yesterday. Going to homes and spreading the joy of Christmas really makes you appreciate this festive season more. As our skit said "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests". There's something special about church friends that you just dont get with other friends.

I dont believe it. Warwick just rejected me like that. BAH. sucks man. i need to find out whats my comfort food. adios.

21:37 - 11 December 2007
SEA Games
I've been reading in the papers these few days that Singapore has been winning many golds, including Table Tennis, soccer etc. But many of the names are Hanyu Pinyin and then you realise the number of foreign imports that we rely on. For all the youth development schemes, our representatives at the very top level are still dominated by talent from China and Indonesia.

There is no problem with that. What is saddening is that the euphoria and milking of national pride in the papers are based on a shoddy foundation. The ease of movement of people has effectively allowed global sports competition to become a business, just like the EPL, whereby talented sportspersons from other countries can be encouraged to take up residence and subsequent citizenship. It must be noted that they are brought here specially for their athletic prowess, and nothing else.

Then again, the meaning allowing a sportperson to represent a country allows this transaction to go through. What this means, however, is that money power is allowed to interfere with the innate ability of a country's ethnic sportspersons, notwithstanding training. The reasonable assumption being, different countries have different levels of talent in different sports.

Touch your heart and ask yourself, do you really consider these migrant sportsmen and sportswomen, products of wealth in Singapore and globalisation, really one of your own? Or do the medal tallies simply reflect an unquenchable, mindless chase for tangible recognition of the country's non-economic sectors?

23:31 - 01 December 2007
december
hello december. started the month with SAT 2 which was so-so.

Haha i can't wait to go carolling, shop and have all those parties! and EAT till i cant move. :D

why can't the weather be like this all year round ah? HMM.

tv mobile was showing "pulees & teef" today. sigh how can such english be shown in public??

haha anyway all the best to those having exams! take care. :):)

01:24 - 10 November 2007
Sometimes what you need
Is coffee, solitude in the rain and a prayer.

18:44 - 28 October 2007
Facebook!
hur realised i haven been to this place for some time.but i've got facebook! wahaha.

for some reason i just felt like getting it yesterday afternoon (SIQS there you go haha).

it's online programs like these that transform human interaction..we no longer have to see a person or call him personally in order to catch up; just a simple search will do. it's all rather fun, but somehow it creates more friendships, but nothing deep. there's always our computer screen to hide behind if we don't feel like talking or etc.

but in this age of "post-modernism"(as my pastor likes to say), everything's about feeling. it feels fun, so who cares about it's implications dud.

soccer's never gonna be my sport, im not good enough, even if im fit enough. hurhur.

23:45 - 23 September 2007
Another week drifts by
the uni apps process, while stressful, gives you a chance to understand who you are and what you want. and to be honest, i really can't wait to be a student again, to learn, be around intellectual but fun ppl and to regain that lost-for-eight-months freedom.

im wondering whether distance ever matters in a human relationship..we'll see.

oh yeah. and breweks rocks. especially that tower of fresh brew. ahh.

23:48 - 20 September 2007
if ur life was a symphony
this place has been abandoned for quite a while..shall blog this weekend, i promise.

grr,sometimes u realise how sucky army is.esp when ur in some lousy unit with lousy ppl. there's just aint a better way to put it.

23:40 - 25 August 2007
much ado about nothing
im down with this horrible flu bug thats spread through my whole army office. with audit coming, we also worked till past midnight the past week..bad things really come in pairs.

at least there was some rosti as comfort food today at Marche. haha,celebrating chu's birthday. altho the table was a bit too big for ten people, haha. and i took off my braces!

01:20 - 18 August 2007
sick
im walking around with my mouth wide open cos my nose is so blocked i cant breathe through it :(

14:55 - 28 July 2007
running low on gas
things to do:

1)get my UCAS done
2)meet up with friends, esp those going overseas
2)tidy up my US apps from last year
3)study SAT 2
4)read up for interviews
5)exercise
6)buy guitar scores,sling bag,bicycle,contacts

all this in addition to army.hmm.which place can have 3 ppl being arrested for drug consumption on 3 consecutive days, i wonder.

i just realised my piano's been left untouched for so long that the A-string snapped.AHH.

23:40 - 13 July 2007
long time nvr bloggggg
pressed backspace accidentally, so i shall summarise wat was friends are going overseas,i feel the nostalgia shown in drama serials the different ppl i meet in army are less contemplative,focus more on immediate desires and do not demand time for themselves army has helped me to discover the joys in reading.ive nvr read a book since kindergarten entirely. nvr had the patience and determination. am watching harry potty tmr! :D

23:51 - 29 June 2007
friend
have ya ever wondered how good a friend you make? and what type of friend you are? everyone has their own friends but some people have more friends than others.

im a friend that does not dare to express our closeness in front of others.a friend that eschews being very close to most most people.a friend that used to decide whether to befriend ya based on ur popularity/achievements,not knowing that if other pple did the same, I would have no frens at all.one who needs you to initiate the convos plus takes ages to warm up.and one that sucks at small talk, but who loves to suan pple.

for those who became a friend with such a person, i am indeed thankful.

class bbq was a bash.thanks tina and yams!

if only everyone tried their best,there would be no need for rewards and punishment, cos they would serve no purpose in the first place, even if our best is not enough.it never is anyway.Rewards and punishment are the same thing anw, depending on how ya look at it.

as u see people less and they slowly drift out of your life (be they good friends, normal ones or mere acquaintainces (how to spell)),i realise that some u dun even realise theyre gone, some ya rmb their presence last time, some you miss now n then, some you cant help but think of nearly everyday. wonder what it means.heh.

HK's gonna be one big party this wkend. how i wish i could be there, the skyline, lights, choreographed fireworks, people, weather.shall watch the handover on tv. :)

14:50 - 22 June 2007
phone

this week, I:

lost my phone
had minimal sleep
worked non-stop.

And i was supposed to organise lep gathering and meet chorale frens till my phone vanished. but. am still looking forward to the class party on sunday. O_O

20:52 - 18 June 2007
erps
hello,i feel like a stone speaking.

i love the time late at night when i have time by myself and to myself.just chillin out.

00:15 - 16 June 2007
anger management
Office politics are panning out in my office.

it's best to avoid someone when he's on the brink of exploding.that someone was me just now,when i was doing the dishes.

i read somewhere about message-etiquette, that when you start a convo, you should end it. i think that's sth i must learn.and to reply quickly to msgs as well.

there are just some things that i cant post here.need to get a proper diary soon.till next post,bye.

21:42 - 10 June 2007
sentio!
sentio was good.the performance, performers, audience, venue and everything else. couldnt help but realise how it was an alumni gathering of sorts.community; seems like this one hasnt disengaged altogether.

some things just drag on and on,never really disappearing but having never truly existed.gee.i'm confused.

time to book in again, and i cant emphasise too much how clerk life sucks.the work and company is just horrible.esp the latter.if not for God i would be sulking 24/5 on weekdays. oh yes.mango and jems have problems that present a pleasant dilemma.seems like having too many options and a lack of them are equally headache-y situations.heehee.

22:49 - 08 June 2007
marathon
7km run..wow.the thing is,i was still going strong near the end when half a year ago i struggled to maintain a decent time for 2.4km. really must push urself in order to find ur limits,i guess.or is it find yourself to push ur limits? both ways make sense i think.

And!i hope SATs went well,i desparately need a good score.i was the earliest to reach by a mile..and more than half were china students! competition competition..these scholars really have an enviable focus and determination.it's time to start tidying up all the testimonials and applications that were done up but not used last year..good to start early!

sometimes i look at back at previous times at realise what a screwed up person i was..many many negative adjectives. am really relieved having finally found a way out from those shadows :)

23:27 - 30 May 2007
saigang warrior
im a saigang warrior -_- my upperstudy treated us to really good doughnuts today as his ORD treat.they were totally smashingly awesome. :D

hmm it's interesting how my brain's working better in army than in jc..like chs days. i think it was rusty and in hibernation for two years,partially must have been due to my attitude i think. for one i understand my SAT much better, and two, am more perceptive when reading study material (yes im doing prep for uni..)

vesak day tmr. bmt gathering with eric they all. =) time to sleep,im shagged out. a clerk's life is as xiong as, if not more than, chiongsua. gd nite ppl

22:37 - 26 May 2007
laksa and wish list
hello! im back from katong laksa with my timon frens =) the uncle was really grumpy tonight, but the food was good so who cares haha. cooking game next sat! after my ARGH SATs.

p.s it feels sort of funny to be accepted into FASS only cos i din apply for anythinf else..esp cos i am uber-confident of my own ability in certain fields which was not, and could not, be reflected in my less-than-stellar grades. im not sulking over it tho, just a thot.

I must say my birthday was relatively quiet, but twas alr more happening then usual years. ate at cartel, fishnco and raffles hotel. AND i must say I owe people birthday treats.but some of them have to be really belated cos now with timon and tuition for my neighbour, every weekend seems so bz =) but i like! haha.

im becoming more material and more stingy at the same time, which sucks hahah. i need (want rather):

1) a new bag (Crumpler sling one preferably but they're damn ex -_-)

2) guitar bag and scores

3) contacts!!

4) a bike

and a few CDs would be nice too.

for those that rmbered, a big thank you and much love. cos some pple choose not to rmb on purpose. well, up to you bah. :D

21:09 - 22 May 2007
meme
me, nineteen. happy birthday to me. haha many thanks to those who msged me. as much those msgs were one in many that may be sent per year by these ppl, í still felt touched. :D

the meme game, here goes
here goes.

1)i was very naughty when young. in p2, i taught the ang mo guys how to tell the girls that they were pieces of shit in cantonese. of course the girls complained to the teacher and when eventually source was traced to me, i was made to write lines, "10 reasons why I did that". I never felt sorry though. wahaha.

2)i can do stunts on the ice-skating rink, like twirls and spins.

3)i was in dance last time! nursery to p3 to be exact. a chubby ball moving around. and i was the only boy in a christmas party item, dancing to jingle-bells rock.

4)i cringe when lemons are squeezed too hard.

5) i have a good memory of smell and sound.somehow i rmb the smells and sounds of my experiences pluys places i visit very well, and i am reminded of those experiences when i smell or hear the same thing

6)according to my mum, i sometimes talk in my sleep and one time even went for a shower!

may i add one more. i flew business class as a 10 month old toddler! whee.

regarding the elitist article on sat, to the person (from NYJC?) who said that students from elite schools have low EQ, i question: Are you misusing EQ as an overarching term to describe socialising? If so, must we talk to you guys if we dont want to and dont want to spend (waste) time and energy doing so? Maybe ya can see us when we're with our own group (type?)of friends (i trust that you have ur own gang too?) and maybe how u grade our EQ, as you define it,will change.PLEASE note, if u understand, that ability and will must work together for results. And, maybe there's a disconnect in the first place but u can't realise it? I din say I act like that. im just questioning where your coming from. dont insult us cos we din insult you. rather, your embarassing yourself more than you already have.

00:22 - 19 May 2007
:D
i just cut my thumb, plus nearly choked, eating crab. argh. and i waited 40 mins for a bus home just now. whoots.

i've been feeling quite cheery and contented. not because of anything in particular, but after reading Rick Warren. yea. it's woderful and amazing how some things change your life (or more accurately, the way you view life).im quite thankful for the break from studies ns has given me, rather just plunge into unis.i totally dun regret not sending my all-prepared apps man.gd to take stock of life anfd wonder what you really want,and then to focus your energies into maximising your specifc talents.

today's newspaper talked about elitism plus a caption-less photo of rj ppl cheering. wonder what it was trying to imply eh. why not put a caption.

saturday's are gonna be fun from now on.shagged,shall slp.ZZZZZZZZZ,bye. and i promise to do meme by this wkend. haha.

21:31 - 16 May 2007
thankful
im using the army comp to blog for a second day in a row haha.

most of today was a bad day because i thought i lost my ISAC card (some army card that lets you access files and email in the system). there was a potential fine and loss of many many files and documents looming. i was SO down the whole afternoon, and the reason im knocking off only now is cos i started doing the afternoon's work at eight.wow.however, i thank the Lord for my unbelievable 'colleagues' for stayed back willingly to help me find it.

after i found it i thought of Mitch Albom's books. i never bothered to take care of this card (which is like a smart card, plus ur photo and ic no.) till tonight, after losing it momentarily. now i value it so much.the same applies to pple, doesnt it. better treasure them when they exist.it sucks when they're no longer around ya (many ways). ditto my colleagues. one of them my just affect "change your life forever".

20:33 - 15 May 2007
blah
jems is a lawyer (tyco)! and so are yams and elsie (who's a psc scholar too!). congrats!

and i must be reminded again of my a lvl results again by people who think that 4As and 2Ds is a norm for the school i come from. what's worse is that there are so many what ifs going on in my mind. i need to have trust in Him.

hmmm. i shud organise more gatherings cos apparently ppl think i dun go for them! it's not my fault kay, they always happen to clash! hehe. cya folks.

00:32 - 12 May 2007
friday!
a proper weekend! yay.

today i was rather worked up trying to convince my fellow clerks of how there is no discretion and professionalism over charging people in my unit. apparently,im supposed to be numb to all that and just do my job.OH WELL.
it's been a really long week..i got sianz quite a few times,just mopping around the office and bunk.i dunno whether im supposed to try to be happy with whatever comes in life,cos now im defintely not too happy.

i met lester and andrea at bugis just now for dinner,yiiwen just left.good to see them again =)=)

chorale got silver :(

15:30 - 09 May 2007
borrrred
hello.diaryland's up again.

23:26 - 30 April 2007
labour day
stand aside drogba berbatov rooney, owen's back!

00:37 - 28 April 2007
rant

today the intranet was down due to the lightning, and by boss is going on leave next week..so OT lor.haha tired..good night.

23:25 - 24 April 2007
shagged
saw matthias at court centre todae.

are uniforms (school/army) status symbols? and so are they merit or demerit goods?

it feels weird to be on public transport in your army uniform, especially when you see students. have i really made the transition?

anw. i have a good two weeks due to court cases/courses/public hols so i can get out of camp everyday! yay. feels good.

21:45 - 22 April 2007
last minute RUSHHH
hello again..every weekend is such a rush,trying to do a week-load of stuff in two days.thats why im like,blogging only now.

i feel saddened when i see the men getting indiscriminate and overzealous punishments/charges from their superiors..it's really sad cos they dun even know or suspect that there are disciplinary guidelines to follow..but then again,i cant do nothing abt it.haiz.(he wasn even given a chance to plead guilty! not that he knew)

i love the sky at dusk,the clouds,the esplanade bridge/fullerton/esplande itself at night,the airport runway lights.when i take cab to dispatch urine (YES) every Friday for those drug addicts,i get very thoughtful during the ride,on the moving taxi,just watching the clouds and trees move by.haha.night lights.stars.

okay gtg.i think im gonna blog on weekdays instead ahha.all the best to those having uni interviews tmr! i'll be praying earnestly for some friends =)

00:52 - 15 April 2007
VE 2007
hello im back from chorale concert.they talk about those magic moments when ur making choral music together..well i personally felt some tonight,and they really are magical.i really love the feeling,and those moments brought back memories of my two years,especially finland (goodness knows how much i missed out on in olomouc).being back in school,in LT1,at night,seeing our juniors perform with people i really truly enjoy and with whom i share common interests..it's just great.the concert was a tad short though,like not enough.thats why im listening to our CD now :D i really hope my juniors do well in SYF and achieve what my batch failed to..oh well.

RJ is a magical place at night too,just like the Esplanade promenade.the lights,the building,the darker corners coupled with the memories there.for me,all the many ups and downs (more so) in school have contributed to a rich tapestry of my memories of RJ.i just feel like going back every weekend at night just to chill out [anyone feels the same? :].it's good to let urself indulge in the past once a while;being the extremely sentimental person I am,i shall let myself do it more often.i even remembered last weekend that exactly one year ago was our full day pracs and auspicium!

im tired..shall continue this post tmr.army life is quite boring now..i just entertain myself with music,books,newspapers and memories.it's nice to be friendly and sociable but when you have to stay at that shallow level for most of the week,there's just this niggling feeling that these will never be lasting friends and i think gradually,i'll enjoy myself in camp more if there's ample space and time for solitude.

18:59 - 06 April 2007
good friday
when those stupid NS guys in my unit go AWOL (and then get caught) like today,a few ppl have to go back on good friday and saturday to do work.a.k.a,i had OT from 1415 to 1530 just now and 0700 to 0800 tmr.sigh.these people are just,.

nothing beats an afternoon nap.

noe why you shud try ur very best to turn up for gatherings even if you have a few at the same time? cos it's really hard work on the part of the organiser and u shud at least acknowledge that labour by appearing,if only for a while.it speaks volumes abt how much you value that group and respect the person planning.some pple perpetually nvr turn up and i feel for those that painstakingly plan gathering after gathering.not that 1 person's presence will be missed much by the big grp,you'll just get ppl irritated.nothing to do with me,just thoughts.

20:59 - 02 April 2007
after OT
hello.it's april alr.im sittin in my army office (just finished OT) usin e computer that only clerks get to use.ha.

being in army numbs your thoughts.so much so that i have nothing to type here.when u meet 'different ppl',it's not that u cant talk to them,u just end up talking like them.unknowingly.so much so that u know u've changed,but you are still happy.

boy am i lookin forward to chorale concert.im startin to miss singing :)

hmm.seems like PSC is really difficult to get this year.

21:54 - 23 March 2007
eposting
why is it stay in?ahh.so sad :( so far some more.

00:38 - 22 March 2007
just my thoughts
who says that NS is a place where people of different background come tgt,the chasm between us and them is just accentuated and is as ostensible as ever.

talk about the govt's proud plan to have a 1.7b solar power industry to be envionmentally friendly.my project work grp in sec 3 realised that it was the most feasible alterative enery source and had a detailed plan to implement it.dood

22:44 - 19 March 2007
blogging is narcissistic by nature
had stayover at junwei's house on sat.4m is a wonderful group of people coz u can just be yourself,totally yourself.thaat afternoon on the street court i figured i can't shoot for nuts.argh.

hmm i read a column in ST yesterday,it was sth like "The more diverse a community,the more distrust there is inside,even between people of the same origin" It was a professor referring to US society,but I thot that it could apply to us too.As in,the more diverse our social circle,the less friendship there is between individuals,including the original community. (i.e. we meet more people after sch life has ended).hmmm.

hopefully ur not just being nice.eh.

22:55 - 16 March 2007
random musings
ma bought me a guitar :D:D it's quite painful on the left hand though.once again,all the gatherings must clash!tmr that is.ah. they should hurry and open the circle line,so that i can travel more conveniently.

No Promises-Shayne Ward

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Every time you're near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high
I don’t want to let go, girl.
I just need you to know girl.

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

Here tonight

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Everytime you're near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high
I don’t want to let go, girl.
I just need you you to know girl.

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don’t want to run away, I want to stay forever, thru Time and Time..
No promises

I don’t wanna run away, I don’t wanna be alone
No Promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, now and forever my love

No promises

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight.

22:25 - 16 March 2007
the lost entry
bmt was just about the length right,long enough to fit in all the positive experiences and not too long so as to make it boring.when seeing the other ppl on results-release day,i was realli suprised by my lack of interesting army stories.probably the pes c experience is less fulfilling,but im satisfied.as they say,either u chiong all the way all slack totally.haha,my choice was decided for me.in addition,i felt really comfortable within my platoon and made good friends.next step:mindef clerk.haha hopefully.:)

23:03 - 13 March 2007
BMT ends
passed out.

shall add in my thoughts later,have to watch tv now.:D ARGH the stupid thing refreshed when my long entry was nearly done.sigh perhaps BMT isn't supposed to be remembered.

22:56 - 03 March 2007
post a results
my internet explorer's finally working again,and liverpool just lost.

okay i got what-i-expected-but-not-as good-as-i-wanted.coudnt have xpected much more since i anyhow chose my subjects.ive nvr gotten a distinction for hcl since PSLE.but the B and ungradedes suck all the same when you look at it.shall just move on i guess,no point mulling too long over it.at the same time,im glad that most people did well,some very very well.went ps and then raffles hotel-esplanade-river hongbao-sg river after that.had some good companionship cum ranting over the phone.and as the no. of full stops and lack of adjectives show,im stoned & stressed.over what to do next,where to go,how to do it.

i've realised that many problems can actually be solved if you start from yourself.doing so must help cos you are part of the issue.at least im happy now.

time to get scholarship stuff done.even if it turns out to all be in vain.

18:08 - 25 February 2007
what could have been
met up with myanmar pple last night at timbres.alas,only 4 pple came! great to see beow n mark n aik chuan again..the stuff we talk about! haha.

next week is field camp but i dun need to go -_-.shall just rot in the barracks.hmmmm.on the brighter side,there'll be fewer people using the table tennis table in the annex.yay :D:D

results are coming out on fri i heard.im expecting so little out of it that most probably i wont be disappointed.like how sad lor.thursday night and the rest of next weekend will definitely be an emotional rollercoaster.

morning's sermon was good.use me Lord.light the fire in me,lead me on.

it's funny how when it comes to blogging time i get sentimental,when the weekend (and weekdays) has been so fun and enjoyable.feels weird.

must it really be like this? so disappointing..tell me it's not really this way..

oh yes.nearly forgot.i got confined one night for losing my jockey cap! how lame. :X

22:45 - 20 February 2007
champions league's starting!
went to visit mrs giam today! only abt half of 4m was there though.most of us are in army and so all the chat revolved around army life.haha.actually there were also 3s and chorale gatherings for lunch today (they always seem to clash) but since there was soccer here,soccer must be the priority!

im listening to the hk classical music station now.it's much better than 92.4,has ang moh deejays.i dun really have a preference for music genres,haha.depends on my mood.

im halfway thru bmt alr.going sdc tmr haha.one week plus to a levels.life's enjoyable.

23:34 - 18 February 2007
sunburn
argh im red all over after swimming this afternoon.

there's no relatives to mahjong and chat with.im bored,i wanna par-tae.

shall go for another 2.5km swim tmr.

01:03 - 18 February 2007
chinese new year
happy chinese new year everybody!

cnys are always rather quiet for me as i have no relatives here..i think i'll just exercise more these few days to make up for the lack of exercise in pes c.haha.

army's not that different from school in a sense.you're still seeing alot of people everyday who are of the same age as you and come from similar backgrounds,and you spend alot of time together as well.the hours of chatting in the bunk during breaks and relaxing at night at the annex room are suprisingly fun i must say.on the other hand i totally suck at risk monopoly and uno haha.it feels good to have good company mon to fri.when it comes to friendship,you really realise the more you give,the more you get.

when you finally said it,suprisingly it din hurt at all.felt weird,but at least this screwed-up thing is past.

welcome,the year of the pig.a new beginning it is.and with fewer emo posts,i shall try.wishing everybody happiness!

16:58 - 11 February 2007
1st book out
hmm its time to go book in again in ard 3 hours time. weekend was boring haha,din really do much beside bumming in front of the tv.chinatown on a saturday night near cny is really crowded and i cant really appreciate all the music touting and people.

army's been suprisingly enjoyable.pes c's definitely slack and i was quite bored at first but after a while you realise that it's also a blessing to not need to be enthu-ing all the time just to get into OCS.there's time to think enjoy army life proper with your buddies and i guess for pes c people there'll be more time (that can be put to good use) after BMT.

liverpool lost to newcastle and i switched off the tv in disgust after solano scored haha.

eric suggested on the first night that i dun feel comfortable opening up to most people.which of course,isnt really good;myanmar people commented that i take really long to "warm up" and come out of my shell,while section mates say that im blur,forgetful and always late.time to work on it eh,pakk.

sometimes at night before lights out you're really hoping someone would call/msg you and have a nice chat,but you're too worried about what to say to initiate the phone call yourself.hums.

anw.i've got a tan and i dun look all that bad in a crew cut.haha!

cny's coming soon and i want to buy my guitar during the hols!

oh yeah i have samuel dihong and aloysius in the same platoon, eric and hao ran in the same section and jeff and bjorn in the same company.cool stuff.and its always fun to make new friends :D:D

coming up are v-day and a levels.valentines day will be spent in camp haha but i bet most guys will be on the phone for a long time that night. wow today last year we were recording auspicium (twas a sat full day prac at pac) and i rmb many people took the train home that day and there was recording for the guess-the-voice game for the then-j1s after prac and ivee's birthday celebration duing lunch! we even bought ice-cream outside j8 first. wowwow. last v-day was a tuesday and i ended at 4pm. there were flowers and chocs all around school.and..hehe.haha it was really fun.

gtg.cya next fri night.

00:05 - 26 January 2007
7 week boot camp
just finished packing,luckily mine is 1230 haha.

today ST interviewed me abt YC.asked alot of probing qn but i wasnt gonna give anything away to that reporter.as with any other organisation/institution,i believe that being a part of it means that one shoudn blast ur mouth off to outsides over internal stuff.may i add:
1) being too stuck up with bureaucracy like CPF contributions makes us lose sight,to a certain extent at least,of the bigger cause
2)with regards to the hoo-hah over a certain mr lam's salary,I think it would be more than naive to have the conception that all donations go direct to the less privileged (elderly/poor).to be able to help these people,funding is also needed for salary,administration and rent etc etc.(i.e. for the organisation's survival).it's just like any other company.if u think that u can use ur money directly on them,go ahead.i doubt (seriously) it can be as effective as YC
3)there's subtle nuances differentiating oversight/mismanagement of funds and wilful siphoning/embezzling.and all the investigation's managed to prove is the former.make the difference clear,all those who have since lost faith in charitable causes.and to ST,I can only say that the former, as mentioned, does not deserve your sensationalist reporting.if the public hence forth loses faith in donations (thereby affecting many underprivileged),you as the press is just as,if not more,responsible for it as YC & mr lam.

shaved.i dunno what to expect for the next one n half months or so.carpe diem i guess.hope it all goes well and smooth.it's not a melting pot of feelings now,it's rather empty.well,maybe happy lah,for a reason or two.

till two weeks later,cya guys.

00:54 - 25 January 2007
happy birthday dad
dear blog.

went down to parkway to buy all the army stuff.the army market had to be closed for spring cleaning the very day that samuel and i went down.bugger.

had dinner with finland gang minus kevho last night (whos in jap) at taka macs.haha abit funny lah since everyone dress so nicely but anyway as kat said,we went to the place i would miss most =) what a boring life i lead heh.i was gonna treat haagen dazs after that lor but it closed alr..but still it was great to see them again!

ahh its too late.shall shorten everythin over e weekend.

class lunch at essential brews,mj got cambridge law! like omg.lunch with qien (dont stress urself out!) and breakfast with jiarui my dear neighbour.liverpool 2-0 chelsea!

and YC's really in trouble this time.mr lam's resigned.and for once, i understand what sensationalist journalism is.

a couple more days to army.dun feel anything leh.i guess cos mine's gonna be quite slack so,nothin to worry abt.but its a pity also,cos i trained so hard.maybe i'll like see bjorn and jeff everyday haha.

and many thanks for that msg last night,u know who u are =)

22:19 - 19 January 2007
stuck in a rut
watched a few ours of tennis today.i really admire the tenacity and flair shown by the players,especially safin.last time i used to wonder why sportsmen in school are more popular than those in let's say performing arts or clubs n socities.Well i guess sport demands so much more on a person's character.On top of fitness and talent you need mental strength and discipline in abundance to suceed at a high level.maybe i should have exercised more in secondary school.

read an article about Fidel Castro and how the death of a dictator has affected nations historically.i've always been inspired by communism and dictatorships.heh.cant gather my thoughts now why exactly so maybe next time i can write more.

everyone seems everywhere doing everything.driving,working,NS or even studying uni already. it makes you think how transient and temporary jc life was.it makes you think even more if there's the nagging feeling that you took more than a year to come out of your shell and as a result,not really enjoyed the majority of jc.now im finally beginning to understand what hongloumeng means when it says that everything in life is a mirage.

23:50 - 15 January 2007
hong kong!
back from hk! it was a blast,i must say.compared to previous times,somehow this time felt like "going back" and reaching SG felt like "going away for a while".curious feeling.haha maybe its cos i know the language there.in fact, hku told me that if i studied there,i would be a local student,and my hk ic is like any other hongkonger and better than those who immigrated from mainland China.EVEN tho ive only lived there for 10 months ;p wondering if i should just study there (at least the buildings arent crumbling and cobwebbed like NUS) and stop wishing for a scholarship to go overseas (tho dad says he'll pay). hummm. the city's so beautiful (MAN,the view across Victoria harbour from TST) and vibrant, and the people have this sophisticatedness and thirst for self-improvement that rubs off on you.

okay i think this entry's boring. just as my other entries are. i should do those funny personality tests and post them here soon,heh.

oh yes.im an ENFP.when i was an ISTJ in sec 3. wonders. do i seem ENFPish?

i bought Il Divo's Siempre! yay. for HK$90. thats like S$14.

im lazy to get a tagboard/link pple/change the horrible font.argh when quite a few pple want to improve this place more than i do.sorry..:P i doubt there's much to tag about though. IT's probably the thing im lousiest at.no interest as well.no wonder i kept on failing computer studies in lower sec,hehe.

went to this beautiful cathedral in hk yesterday morning. st john's chapel i think. the service's was rather inspiring.i think ive changed alot heh. feel happy and confident and am enjoying life. the villager's and orphan's smiles in yangon plus the cold weather and immersing myself in hk have definitely helped.

urban studies.international relations.economics.someone help me choose.anyone.maybe a double degree would solve two thirds of the dilemma.haha.ENFP's are indecisive.lala

another resolution for 2007 is to tag more when i visit blogs,as i so often do.

gettin late.life's quite simple actually.just approach it with confidence,faith in whatever you believe in (secular or otherwise) and be happy. and soon you'll realise that the world around you is filled with joy.=> more evidence of ENFPness.heh.gd nite

23:18 - 04 January 2007
in hk
free internet access! :D its cold

23:50 - 03 January 2007
no longer a student
it was weird going out today to see all the people in school you and realising that probably you will never wear a school uniform again.time just moves on facelessly and like a runaway train,and simple things like no longer having student concession on public transport are like gentle reminders to us that our time as students is up,and its time to move on.in appearance at least,but i really want to retain the experiences and bonding of our schooling years in both memory and heart.

went for chorale class and 4m gatherings.all in one night! but im too tired to talk about them,some other day bahh.

off to hk for 11 days and a chance to see cousin vincent! yippee. okay im off.bye!

20:13 - 02 January 2007
rat race
that's what we're stuck in.

15:52 - 31 December 2006
goodbye 2006 (and 2005)
whoosh its like..less than eight hours to 2007!alrite.most importantly,end of 2006 also means end of both JC life and real school.2006 was quite a good year,i think haha.

i'll treasure the memories from these two years in rj,be they pleasant or otherwise. all the friends,acquaintances,dengue (which i nearly died from),teachers,chorale,tzzeruph,so3s and at first in 3r,the extremely low self-esteem and loneliness during the first few months, undecided between arts/science and hc/rj,free period gang,running for leadership positions and not getting them,the few sessions of astro i went for and failing soccer trials,forever failing chinese,how bored i got with bio and srp (no more science,or anything remotely to do with it,forever!), finland,china,myanmar,parents not allowing me to go czech rep,lep(lessons went on long into the afternoons but were great fun),p.e & training for napfa,doing oh so badly for prelims,mugging for As,p.w,auspicium,science fairs,vocal exploits and syf,match supports,lectures...thats like everything isnt it,haha.

on a different note,i was pleasantly suprised by how annoyed (tried not to show it though,heh) i get at certain pple for wanting to party and couuntdown on christams eve when they are fervent freethinkers. just think that either they should show more knowledge plus appreciation of jesus' birth,otherwise just ignore xmas altogether.dunno,its just me.dun really respect those who profess that they believe in themselves only either.nonetheless,i do hold those who are devoutly religious,regardless of their religion,in high regard.

shall add to my list of meaningful/memorable moments in myanmar (alliteration!)
13)riding on a bicycle (no other team members) with a guide thru the rustic village roads to buy chicken; the azure sky and the flies circling around the exposed meat at the market.it was so lord of the flies-ish,minus the bad blood between the children.
14)getting whacked on the specs during a rugby match with the children
15)the 15 year old security marshals/fireman that helped us to maintain order while serving food
16)riding on the bullock cart and drinking beer from the banyan tree after giving out supplies to this village on Day 2
17)the excellent gym/dance performance at the school after May's
18)shwedagon pagoda! and the mini tram
19)sheila and i interrogating dikai about HER during the steamboat dinner and while chopping garlic on xmas eve
20)kailing having many,many kids idolising her EVERYWHERE
21)somehow getting all our luggage and boxes to pass the check in people at changi airport when it was obviously overweight by alot of kilos (vis,thats the unit they use in myanmar)
22)lim en dancing with the kids to some burmese song'
23)aik chuan with his two kids,it was as if they had known each other for ages
24)casper the mp guy who was so down-to-earth and cordial with us

dun really like to do thank you lists here (i think it isnt very sincere and private) but shall do so all the same since its the end of the year.im tempted to just write down the first five names i think of (a.k.a lazy)..so here goes: qi 'en! lester! ryan! eggy! siqi! well yeah there's so many more but these people have made my day in school (its funny how life=school now eh? must find a life outside of it fast) many a time and have a special place in my heart. :D cheers man. to you all and anyone who bothers to read this, here's wishing you a great new year's eve and a blessed and happy 2007! that's all i guess.goodbye 2006 and all its memories and times.

00:39 - 27 December 2006
Yangon,Myanmar 2006 18th to 25th Dec
hello!

back from yangon.christmas passed by quickly.

someone said the day before we left that these humanitarian trips can make you a better person. well it made me a better person i think, hopefully. i spent all my j2 lep money on this trip,and it coudnt have been better spent.there were the smiles of thanks from the children and villagers,the feeling of really helping people and of course, new friendships formed. i realised from previous trips these 2 years that its really hard to describe it later..but shall try nonetheless. thanks to beow and mark (roommates), aikchuan,dikai,
yi fang,sheila,glori,kailing and lim en for the great time working tgt. somehow, friendships are best formed through work. i really hope they last, since most friendships newly formed during trips dun last that long.

let's see what i rmb..
1)us being pro event organisers,deejays and entertainers for the xmas party :D haha i was quite high then
2)climbing up and down the dark,steep and narrow corridor and having a street party on the quiet village streets
3)playing soccer on those streets that reminded me of some nike ad,nearly stepped on a dog
4)serving rice with an extremely runny nose. i said "Fat boy give less!" which glori found quite funny
5)the guys nite' everynight.when we talked extremely wrong stuff. about BC (haha!only 3 others know) and girls.confirming my suspicions that beow isnt as guai as u think
6)dikai doing some funny move on the dance floor and falling down
7)mark being our deejay on the bus with the amplifier
8)mark approaching this Burmese girl called May with chocolates in some school we visited.she's 14,a sailor and has good features.:D
9)havin an extremely bad stomachache at the amusement park when we were guardian of two orphans for a day and wanting to give up.
10)talking with yi fang on the flight back.thanks man.i haven had such a nice chat for some time.
11)spending xmas in a nearly empty englishy church with the pastor and the rest of the team
12)realising that i take good photos with beow's SLR cam.esp when the person is photogenic.HEH.

okay its past two. shall continue with this post tmr/soon.may we work together again and meet up soon.ACBC,yeah..! hahaha.

23:30 - 15 December 2006
she's a dear
i realise i never write in proper sentences here.listening to YMCA.

i love coffee bean. the wooden decor, the yellow lights around the Christmas trees, the smell of a steaming hot drink, the sofas, and just the opportunity to sit and chill out with a friend (or a group of close friends,just watching the world go by). hmm i also have this snug and contented feeling whenever i look at those yellow glowing lights wrapped around trees at night. its even better with cold weather, like in shanghai last year.somehow it gives me comfort.

thanks for that chat,i really treasure times like that.you really can make my day (night).

ok starting to feel tired.had trip prep since 0845! till 2100! but its quite fun all the same. alot of gossiping :D:D

23:21 - 14 December 2006
stupid fundraising
i hate fundraising. hope this is the very very last time im gonna do it.anyone feel like donating to burmese orphans and help me reach my 500 bucks target?

importing talent=no pride even though we train them from young,psychomotor ability and muscle/cardiovascular fitness are at least partially determined by genes other countries doing it doesn mean SG has to, esp when we do it the most whats the point of getting fake and undeserved gold medals money cant buy everything.inc national pride. MCYS has got it wrong,again.

01:10 - 12 December 2006
all i want for christmas is you
Christmas wish list:

a nice guitar
more pull ups

will add to this list as i think of more heh.

life seems simple and focused when there's an important event coming up, like myanmar trip.

nothin much to talk abt,so shall sign off.bye!

22:28 - 08 December 2006
no title
now i understand why people like to be plugged in to their mp3 players all day long-it blocks out all the noise and distractions and lets you be in a world that you like.

somehow the novelty of bloggin has worn off on me.oh no! oh well, time to sort out uni apps. im still wondering how i screwed up my prelims so badly. anw. off to myanmar in 10 days :D

partying is just as draining as hours of mugging.but these past few days have definitely served as a good closure to this chapter called rj. beneath all the memories,photos and fun, i guess all of us know that its time to move on. And all the gatherings,cam-whoring and prom were worth enjoying to the fullest, both because they are the last time we come tgt as students, and also as they provide us with good memories that we will treasure and embrace in the years to come.

00:50 - 07 December 2006
6th dec
i got that drained but contented feeling back again now. yay. happy happy.

00:19 - 02 December 2006
arsenal1 fulham2
okay im gonna try 2 change my blogging style to avoid sounding angsty and ANGST-ish (dun bother understanding the second part if you dont)

aurelio,kewell,gonzalez,zenden,sissoko,alonso and pennant are all out for liverpool. like quite funny,haha,all midfielders.and andrew sheridan (england prop) can bench press 215 kg!

im just wondering how private a blog can be.i know it sounds bitchy,but if i dun tell you directly about my blog and its existence, doesnt it mean I dun really want you to read? dunno..seems like i carn post alot of stuff now.also dun feel like putting password, cos that's even bitchier.heh.

00:37 - 29 November 2006
why are my entries always so angsty
hmm Bio S and As have ended. i cant get myself out of mugging mode leh..still feel like studying sommore. i like doing "serious stuff" all the time. slacking and playing beyond a day or two is like wasting ur life away...
thanks eggy for the campbell! hopefully it saved my bio S =)=)

din want to rant but i must say some groups of big-shot pple in sch think that they own the library, talking loudly everyday and sitting on tables etc. get it clear man,u all may have better socialising skills than most but the library during As is NOT for socialising.

i think im weird. i dun like DoTA & movies.neither pool nor shopping. i'd rather spend 24/7 erm, discussing n planning stuff (sigh), going for CCA n studying sth i like (sigh again). probably sitting and talking too. workaholic? hehe.

there's alot of exciting stuff coming up.esp prom, chalet zoukout and myanmar. keeps all of us together for a while more at least.and i guess its time to stop drifting from faith.

RJ has been a humbling experience. i thot i could excel at anything and everything (i even chose my subjects that way) and was convinced that i was better than most people in most stuff, and that sounds absurdly ridiculous now. what hubris. my head was overblown with pride and ego and it was a long and harsh lesson learnt these two years. but definitely worth it. there's no doubt though, that i'll continuing learning and trying.

i had another paragraph or two on SG politics but í've decided not to post it. not worth taking the risk, and not as if im some eloquent humans scholar whos primed to be a MP.

ok time to go bed. for once in two months im physically and not mentally shagged after some exercise these 2 days.

23:18 - 10 November 2006
mid-As
im bored. my As are like more than half done, not counting the Ses. have quite a bit of time now in between papers, but i really needed this time before the start of the As. cos my papers were all so early, din really finish studying chinese. add that to the wrongly-set-paper and me reading the question wrongly, and i think my chinese is gone case. bleargh.

now's the time to study biotech and the Ses but they're oh-so-boring. maybe chem s's less so. dunno why i ever took bio and bio s.everytime i turn on the comp to do bio s stuff, i find myself heading to wikipedia and reading all sorts of articles. democrats republicans senate bicameral system yesterday. marxism and keynesian theory two weeks ago.rugby and zidane and music stuff too now. it's just so interesting,all this stuff. unlike darwinism and c4 plants and chaperones, or agrobacterium tumefaciens/thiobacillus ferrooxidans etc..SERIOUSLY, who gives a damn about agri biotech unless u wanna become a farmer next time. anyone else hooked on to wikipedia like me? haha.

i think we're in the midst of the transition from students to non-students (whatever u call it) during these A levels. very soon the routine will be gone, the uniforms will be gone, and we'll have to meet all sorts of different people. i dunno if im ready. or if i want to.

life's not actually about ups and downs. its about living for and enjoying the really treasured and memorable moments that happen maybe once a year, maybe more but often less. what's your last one? to the more enlightened its about living your dream everyday and grabbing opportunities when they come (from some ad).

on a side note, figure-skating world champion Michelle Kwan became just got inducted into some high post in US government. some governer or sth. she looked oh-so-hot when Condeleezza Rice introduced her on the news..wheee

20:18 - 03 November 2006
2 down!
hello again. 2 down in 2 days! gp and hcl. 6 hours of chi! and MOE set one of the lit qn outside syllabus. reminds me of the bio paper during Os. though it was optional, it definitely limited our choices. wonder what they're gonna do. doesn anyone vet the damn thing?! sack tharman lah. like seriously. time to move on to my lousier stuff.

heheh.OH saw this woman carrying anti-CCP pro-falungong placards on my way home. how cool lah. I LIKE. good to see some political activism here.

a big THANK YOU to all my fellow LEPers and laoshi for being part of this journey. its been both fun and rewarding, enjoying one another's company and learning tgt on tue and fri afternoons, wed afternoons during lecture and in Shanghai too =)=)

00:05 - 30 October 2006
-
hmm i realised hegels wheel of dialetics is the same as the fundamental Buddhist principles that hongloumeng (HCL text) is based on.haha.ok im obviously going mad.i want the As to start! NOW! lalala

23:18 - 17 October 2006
argh
arghh work is overwhelming..the value of time! hehe.

23:46 - 10 October 2006
song
its time for farewell, and another journey is about to end. wonder what emotions we'll be going through tomorrow?

Time to Say Goodbye-Bocelli/Brightman

Con te partirò.
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso sì li vivrò.
Con te partirò
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più,
it's time to say goodbye.

22:03 - 08 October 2006
mug
my room's a mess of tyses prelim papers sat books uni envelopes and newspapers. not that its bad though.

finally mugging feels right,im getting the sec 4 feeling back. prelim prep just felt inadequate and wrong, for some reason. lack of motivation maybe. coudn even put tgt 1 hour of solid study. now i can roll off many many at a go.

okie gotta do 05 bio for tmr lesson. byebye

i wonder how important i am to you.

23:14 - 04 October 2006
feeling down and frustrated
i am quite sure our society works by a positive feedback mechanism. leadership and achievements allow you to both meet more peers and convince teachers/people to give you more awards and opportunities. and the cycle repeats itself.

but, does being in, and carrying out the basic duties of, a leadership position automatically deserve further recognition? apparently it should i.e. popularity will be further rewarded with merit. or should there be a certain higher level of expectation that comes with increased responsibility and power? as in, how likely (in a school context) is it for one to totally "screw up" in his position? shoudn't recognition be a opt-in rather than an opt-out thing? does an IC who meets all his/her people for barely 10 minutes a week, and in a formal manner too, really have a good idea of what is happening usually? is relying on hard statistics sufficient and satisfactory? i really don't think so, and i think statistics are merely used to substantiate one's pre-determined stereotypes. they exclude bad stuff from people in power and good stuff from people with a lack of it. and they do not tell of the factors which affect those numbers, but which are out of the subjects' control.
sadly, society has never been fair and you can't expect it to be.

tmr's the second last day of school. i'll miss it, but i should miss it less than those who have found their way through this phase in life better than i have. sigh

00:05 - 02 October 2006
The Way You Look At Me
hail king michael schumacher. absolutely great sportsman. I think he's arguably better than Federer and Woods because his is a team sport; Schumi must possess great communication and teamwork in order to be the champion he is, and his performance is also limited, without warning, by his tyres, fuel, hydraulics, engine, chassis, gear and what not.

Christian Bautista-The Way You Look At Me

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

If I could freeze a moment in my mind
It'll be the second that you touch your lips to mine
I'd like to stop the clock, make time stands still
'Cause, baby, this is just the way I always wanna feel

23:49 - 29 September 2006
bio's dumb
how many of you, while waiting for the train, will walk up to a fellow rj person whom you totally dont know and start a conversation with him/her? some j1 did today.i guess i woudnt have done the same,it's just not me. but it really can let you get to know a new friend (if only superficially). it takes real effort, i think. and sincere eye contact's really important.
bumped into mat today while leaving sch..how long ago was it when chorale pple walked out to j8/mrt after prac? i miss those days.

23:30 - 28 September 2006
bad day
sigh.prelims were bad bad bad.everyone's improving by a few grades (that should be the way) while i'm getting lousier grades than CTs.somehow the more i study the worst it is.argh.everyone has their own targets and ability but at least must show improvement no? but i'm not doing it.
its not yet the biggest one yet but it's still THE prelims.goodbye to good scholarships and unis man.dun want to think so but that's the reality. reality check.if you don't want to walk out of the hall sobbing next year, it's time to buck up. this just won't cut it,baldwin (same to people who havent scored ideally too)

i've screwed up enough in leadership,cca,attachments,p.e. and social skills these two years. can't afford to do the same for studies. there's really no 2nd chance in life. to all those with the same feelings as me today, we'll hold hands & confidently cross the final hurdle together. with liverpool vs ac milan, champions league final 04/05 as inspiration and motivation.

23:07 - 26 September 2006
emotions are the purest in times of meeting and farewell
gonna be a long entry (a few days worth)

guess who I met today (by conincidence at raffles city)? richie mccaw! all blacks rugby captain,world's best openside flanker of the world's no.1 team! omg. he's SUPER big. got an autograph and picture. :p that totally made my day man =)=)

class soccer in the morning plus bbq (& bridging, talking, sg-idoling) at mrs chong's house yesterday was so fun that I had abit of withdrawal symptoms after I got home. yup. dunno whether its just me. many thanks to mrs chong for being a great host and also to wanjun for being good company on the way home =D

while deciding the add for this blog, "change,friends and farewell" came across the mind. i guess those 3 words sum up what I think are the most precious things about life for me. not necessarily pleasant, but always precious. as the chorale farewell video quoted, "human emotions are always the purest in times of meeting (i.e. change) and farewell"

and that's why i tihnk the airport's such a wonderful place (coudn't figure out why till yesterday)-it is the place where 2, sometimes even 3 of the above happens. had a nice walk there yesterday morning after sending papa off. i always marvel at how fully-equipped the airport is, how it's a place with people from all over the world, and the emotions that you can almost feel as you see couples/friends/family waving, hugging goodbyes at the departure hall and saying hellos at the departure hall. and my mind cant help but recall the times when I went for trips with schoolmates. great memories they make. airport's so quiet too. great place for a solitary walk, to indulge in your own emotions, thoughts and memories.

our DEAR PM encourages youths have their say and to engage the government in sunday times. when students get warned for selling T-shirts alluding to the non-opening of Buangkok station. and when falungong members are sued for "displaying insulting words outside the Chinese embassy" (maybe i've gotten the defintion of insulting wrongly), another person/group is sued for libel (this time its Far Eastern Economic Review), chewing gum is banned and so are outdoor protests and demonstrations. not all of these involve youths, but what message are you sending to these youths, PAP? that youths shoudn'even have the right to choose whether they want to buy gum/that most don't have the discipline to not stick gum all over the place? that the PAP's top leadership has 0 tolerance to criticism, arrogant and determined to maintain moral highness at all costs? how much trust are you willing to place in singapore's youth, YOUR youth? i sense hypocrisy here. not all of the incidents mentioned involve youth, but it all adds to the collective message the Government is sending out; thus i feel that security is obviously much higher up in your priorities and agenda then human rights and political freedom, and the PAP has no qualms over using draconian measures to achieve the former. its no use, our dear minister mentor (MM), to insist (as you did in that dialogue with journalists and what not) that there is freedom and rights - such sentiments can only be accurately gauged by the general populace, because THEY are the subjects involved. and if they feel that there is a lack of it (whether there is in reality is secondary in importance), it is yours, and PAP's responsiblity (being the leaders of this country) to alleviate this feeling not just in word, but also in action. and not just defend your pride and milk the sentiments of those who have gone through the independance process with you. with all due respect to you, our MM, i must say that no one can deny the fact that you have contributed a lot to, and sacrificed a lot for, independant Singapore in its formative years, and none more so in an economic sense. but economy, stability and cleanliness alone do not make a first-world country and global city. pursuing a vision of a global city with global citizens (note: national day 06) while emphasising (ref. Foreign Minister not long ago) the unique history of SG (racial riots) that legitimises, so to speak, special security laws is practising double standards on the Government and the citizenry and I'm afraid the vision won't be attained; other countries did not have a totally peaceful history either (think Russian, French, Chinese revolutions, racism and women's rights movements in US, poverty in arab countries (of which Yemeni opposition parties today safely alleged electoral fraud) and tribal violence in Rwanda and Africa as a whole). SG does not rank too highly in terms of historical turbulence but certainly very lowly in political freedom/accountability - as the recent World Bank rankings showed. also important was the comment that MM Lee made to a forum during the recently concluded IMF-World Bank meetings: that the PAP has developed a system that is good for Singapore, but that this system needs the right people, and that Singapore would be better off with a better opposition. i'm not sure whether you have the mandate to determine the system here, because a lack of quantity in opposition (relative to other countries) certainly cannot be interpreted as absolute strength in PAP, only relative. in the first place, there is a chance that MM Lee's strong lack of confidence in the opposition (which might even be uncalled for) that was revealed here (and fear of them controlling the country) might lead to party policies being inclined to minimise opposition influence. people should always have the means and methods to opinionate against your "system" and whether the PAP is the right party to run this system, and not only in elections. even if they were not intended to be , the stringent laws prohibiting public gathering, demonstration and speech without a license, the zero tolerance for criticism of the PAP(substantiated and constructive or otherwise) definitely limit Singaporeans' right to do exactly that => to opinionate against your "system" and whether the PAP is the right party to run this system. in addition, i dunno what one can read into the article putting PM Lee in a positive light being a cover page article, while the World Bank's allegation of Singapore "going back on its word in the MOU (regarding public protests" was put indiscreetly in the middle of the paper. all this confirms my belief that the assurance from PM Lee during his address to a youth audience on Saturday that the PAP will listen to and engage the youth hardly has its equivalent in action and PAP policy. dare I add, the PAP, with MM Lee, SM Goh and PM Lee at its fore, has failed utterly to bring Singapore to the different, if not higher, level of government and political excellence - that of accountability, freedom, and human rights. Simply because it does not seem to be able, nor willing, to strike a comprimise between stability/security and that of the above. it seems happy to indulge in the former and neglect the latter and dismiss the latter as being not as important as the former. of course all this is a personal opinion; not sure if i'll get a warning/be sued though.

01:07 - 24 September 2006
Sept 2006
HELLO!

decided to start a blog cos i realised i should jot down my thoughts, but im also too lazy to diligently keep a proper diary. really shud have started earlier, then I wouldnt have spent so much time daydreaming and stoning.

now's a good time too, i think; when everybody's busy studying for As there wun be so many friends (except the closest) who'll be free to listen to your thoughts, rants and what not. yup.

i read friends' blogs since they
1)contain shared experiences
2 allow me to know my friends better
3)show the spectrum of human thoughts and feelings and are more personal than most other stuff on the net
hopefully this blog can make for such meaningful reading for you too!

its a day after prelims, hope everyone's having a nice break. shall update soon. good night!

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